No one understands.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Young suicider, Jun 16, 2010.

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  1. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Ive been suicidal for 3-4 years and I've only told one person I new personally.

    This person was my best buddy.I could tell her anything...except how I felt.It took me 2 years just to build the courage to tell her.Only to figure out she would never take me seriously.The first person I ever told didn't think much of it.

    That's where my self esteem started to crumble to nothing.

    When I first came to the forum a year or two after I refused to talk about why I was suicidal.Then finally I tried to talk to some people.

    One said,"you shouldn't be suicidal about that"

    Another said,"that's not a real reason"

    My self esteem is gone.I have none.will never come back.
    All sky rocket in my life.

    After enough negative,bad responses I tend to never try again.The risk of being denied again would be to much.I would have a total breakdown.

    I picked the wrong people and now I will pay.My reason may be stupid,but it doesn't matter!

    I've guessed I'd live another 4 years...Maybe 6.
  2. Sica

    Sica Well-Known Member

    wow your 14yrs old...Thats Scary
  3. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    think of it like this.

    I can't remember anything at or before 7 years old.I have been suicidal since about when I turned 10...

    That leaves 2 years of my life that I remember and I was also happy with my life
  4. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    I can totally relate to you on this. I'm about to turn 14, so I get that being this young sucks. Like MAJORLY sucks. I feel horrible about being suicidal because there's nothing wrong with my life. Well, there is, but nothing I shouldn't be able to handle!

    My personal story about when I told people in real life I was suicidal.
    Only 3 ppl know. I told one of my bffs about it back in April, and she just told me that I needed to get over the whole death and suicide thing. Yeah. Real helpful, I know. About 2 weeks ago, I finally told my two other best friends that I had known much longer than the 1st. They reacted like they didn't really believe me and blew it off. They pretty much ignored me for the past 2 weeks, but then I finally got them to talk, and it turns out, they were confused, didn't know how to react, and now we kinda get it and we're back to talking.

    But my point is, is that since we're the age we are, none of our friends know how to handle hearing this. Well, thats the most likely case, anyways, but they don't know how to react to having one of their friends be suicidal.
  5. Sica

    Sica Well-Known Member

    I'm 19yrs old going on 20yrs what's stressing you out?
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    A lot of people at this age(I'm a year older, big dif? lol) are just like "Why the fuck would you wanna kill yourself?" I've never even told one person let alone what you guys have :p. The scary thing is that I think it's a lot easier to get depressed or suicidal starting out our age because we aren't really 'living for anything'. For example, the 'general proportion' grow up fairly happy blah blah blah, get degrees in something I'll never dream of doing and get decent salaries and have families. Those people have 'something to live for'. Keeping in mind life isn't summarized in what we possess!(I'm a bit of the opposite, too sentimental lol). We just don't see the point in living, I mean what do I actually live for? Playing a fucking computer game, certain TV series that seem to 'keep me going' and really plain crap like that.

    I don't really know what my 'reasons' are for being suicidal. My family isn't a bunch of in-breds that molest each other. I've never been raped/bashed etc. The only things I can think of are that fact that I'm gay but I'm not a very personal person. I don't talk a lot at school because the kids get annoying and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have many friends if I came out lol. Also the whole crap where people tease 'emos' and shit(I'm not an 'emo' but I cut every-now-and-then), it pisses me off but also saddens me :(.

    Feel free to open up your mind here :) After all, there could be someone reading this going through the exact thing you are.
  7. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Thats the thing.

    I cant open up.I have closed myself into this world.Im alone.I won't let anyone in.

    I can't take to risk.
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel... I keep all my real reasons for depression and being suicidal to myself generally. I do not feel I deserve to be depressed for my reasons.

    Sadness gets us all for various reasons man.
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    not alot of people dont react well when they hear about mental health issues, but did you say people off here said you shouldnt be suicidal? thats not on, who said it to you hun?
    everyone has their own reasons for being suicidal and no reason is stupid or uncalled for. you can off load on to me if you want, I will listen to you and wont judge you for it :hug:
  10. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    feeling suicidal/depressed doesn't neccessarily need a reason, its an illness. The problem is society is still getting used to that. I can remember having such thoughts from around 11/12 but they weren't as severe as now. I never told anyone and I doubt they would have taken me seriously either.

    We will take you seriously here... its doesn't matter your reasons, I don't have a bad life, no real bad things have happened to me either and I find even now people don't really understand. There are some that do though. People who have dealt with these illnesses before and people that have/had such illnesses.

    I think you should try and take the risk. opening up on here with people in similar situations is a good place to start. The alternative isn't so great. :hug:
  11. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    Peers not taking you seriously or saying that your reason isn't really a reason does tend to happen. Since we're young (I'm about your age), most people our age (and even most adults) like to think that angst is normal and that everyone goes through the same thing and that we can't possibly be that miserable, but they're wrong.

    There are things that make us miserable, to the point of wanting to commit suicide, and even though they might not be that big of a deal to some people, what matters is how these things affect you. We're all different, and what triggers you might seem inconsequential to someone else. It's hard to get people to understand. I'm seeing a psychologist, and sometimes I feel that even she doesn't understand.

    One of my best friends (who is depressed and has had suicidal thoughts and used to self harm) told me that "i wasn't allowed to be suicidal". But when I explained everything to her, she understood. Now she's just trying to help me when I get those kinds of thoughts.

    My parents just think I need to get over my "attitude". Which would be fine, but I have no clue where to begin. They say that "things only get better" and I need to "hit rock bottom so that I find the willpower to climb back up" or that I'm suffering from regular teen angst. But I haven't hit rock bottom. I feel like I'm on an endless downward spiral.

    There are people who won't understand. There are people who will.

    Sarah's right, it is hard to hear that your best friend is suicidal. I doubt there are many people our age who would know how to handle that.

    And do try to open up. If you talk to the right people, it helps a lot. I'm sure your reasons aren't stupid. Like I said, different things affect us in different ways. And I agree with Ouroboros, opening up, at least a little, to people who have a similar experience is much better than trying to explain to someone who's never felt depressed or suicidal.

    Best wishes, and hang in there. :hug:
  12. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Wow...that's probly a pretty retarded way of speaking to your kid. Because your 'rock bottom' could be suicide(I know mine is :p), so it just seems slightly amusing that a mother would say that...:blink:
  13. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    I have to agree. My dad actually told me that, he's pretty insensitive (or at least he acts like it). My mom agreed though. I dunno which is worse- the fact that my dad said that when he knows i have suicidal thoughts or the fact that my mom agreed with him while knowing the same information.

    by the time i reach rock bottom, it'll be too late for me to change anything.
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