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No one would care

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by winduptoy, Mar 25, 2015.

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  1. winduptoy

    winduptoy Active Member

    The only person I care about is my girlfriend. And I don't think she'd care if I killed myself. I mean she'd feel bad because then she wouldn't have anyone to hang out with any more. But once she replaced me I think she'd be totally over it. My friends, same thing, and anyway, I don't really care if they'd miss me or not. I'm just a burden on my mom. She'd be thrilled to get rid of me.

    I desperately try to get people to like me, but I'm never anyone's priority. Like yeah I'm okay to talk to if no one else is around but they don't think of me as a real friend. I'm not important to them.

    I have to go to the psychiatrist tomorrow and I'd rather murder her than sit through another appointment. I hate her so much. She's so arrogant, she refuses to listen to me when I say what's working and what isn't. She doesn't care if she helps me as long as she gets paid. She gets pissed off if I dare imply that she doesn't know everything.

    I try to go out and socialize but I'm too shy to talk to anyone. I'm fat, ugly and on disability, and I live with my mother, so, you know, I don't make a good first impression when you realize I'm also awkward and not good at conversation.

    I'm going to end up alone and be alone forever. No one would miss me and I don't want to live like that.
  2. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member


    I am going to be completely honest when I tell you that you are important. I know that life sucks right now, especially after all that you described. However, there is always some good in life, no matter how small. I am not an expert in seeking medical attention, since I am unable to do so myself. But have you considered getting a different psychiatrist? For every bad psychiatrist out there, I am sure there is a good one. If possible, definitely look into other options. In terms of friends that don't seem to care...that hits home with me more than you know. One of the ways I manage to get by is through this forum, but also online games. I know that video games aren't for everyone, but meeting people online who enjoy playing with you is always a good thing. It also helps if you do not like going out and meeting new people, or if you are shy. Because online, all they see is your text.

    At the end of the day, just know that you matter. And no matter what you may think at the time, people would care if you were to disappear. Hell, I would care. Every life lost is one that is sorely missed by someone.

    So please just breathe, relax, and be safe.
  3. Rosiecat

    Rosiecat New Member

    I am here to listen. Things will not always be the way they are today. There are a lot of people out there that care. We never know what tomorrow holds or who we may meet. Maybe someone out there that you can help.
  4. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Jericho - it really sounds like you need a new psychiatrist. The wrong psychiatrist can do a lot of damage. I've known both. The one's with God complexes are the absolute worst. You can't tell them anything, they know it all. I once told one zoloft was the best AD for me, so he instantly took me off it. When I told him I was in withdrawal, he accused me of making it up even though zoloft withdrawal is a well documented phenomenon. I got away from him as fast as I could and never looked back. You deserve to be treated with respect - you know what works so stick to your guns.

    I have to give you credit for making the effort to get out and socialize. I'm sorry you haven't connected with anyone yet but I hope you won't give up trying. There are a lot of lonely people out there and not everyone is so shallow that they judge by first impressions. Actually I kind of admire you for trying - this is more than I do, even though I know I should get out there. Meanwhile, thank God for the internet where we can make connections with our fellow human beings! This forum, where you won't be judged is a great place.

    Please keep posting and stay in touch.
  5. winduptoy

    winduptoy Active Member

    I appreciate everyone's support. My last psych visit actually went well. I don't think that's ever happened before.

    Not much else is different, though. Every time I start to feel better, something happens to bring everything down again. I'm so sick of it.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    wow we sound very alike, I try to make people like me but at the end of the day its up to them and im fat, on disability and live with my mother...im 26

    Your psych doesn't sound like a very understanding person, she's not meeting you halfway. She's supposed to listen and address your concerns that is what her job basically is. If you could change things to the way you want them to be how would you like to see things? And how do you think you'd be able to achieve that?

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