No One

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jael, Dec 29, 2013.

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  1. Jael

    Jael New Member

    My family is disgusted and disappointed in me. All of my friends are sick of listening to me. They tell me to just be happy. I've considered suicide sense I was 13. I am in college now, and I've never felt worse. I take meds and I see a therapist, but they don't help. The only things that make me happy are thinking of ways to hurt myself physically and mentally. I think of overdosing mostly. I just want to feel high and slip away. This feeling is addictive. My story is too f*d up to explain. I'm tired. I don't want to wait anymore for someone to understand. I've tried reaching out, but no one ever stays. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've tried everything. I feel like the most selfish and disgusting person to have ever lived. No one answers anymore. I keep holding on because my mother would be sad if I died. That's the only reason; it seems like less and less of a good one every day.
  2. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Jael, as a suicide attempt survivor, (multiple times), I am afraid that one day, if I continue to OD, I will end up a vegetable and not die, but live in true misery. It's a big risk to take and that's keeping me from OD'ng now. There are lots of other reasons now that I've come to realize it. If it's your mom that motivates you to hang in there, that's a legitimate reason to keep going. You mean a lot to your mom and you don't want to hurt her, and that's why you need not to hurt yourself. I hope you will start finding other reasons to live, even if it seems insignificant, but if it keeps you grounded then it's a good reason. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when it seems so dark right now. Please keep processing here and maybe others will share with you their advice. Best wishes...
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Jael im sorry your family just does not understand depression but many here do we will listen and not judge you ok. You are in college that is stressful see if you can talk to councilors there professional the will listen as well and help get you supports. If you meds are not working time to get after your doctor and tell doc you need a change ok or add on to the meds
    or some different therapy to change those thoughts you are having I am glad you are talking here keep doing so ok it helps
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