because in the end everyone cares mostly about themsleves. even i enjoy helping people, but if i get upset with someone all hell breaks loose and i cant be trusted anymore. and if i dont feel like listening or helping because im trying to figure out my shit then i dont care what theyre telling me and then im therefore not trusted. the thing that confuses me and scares me the most is that i AM with the crowd of the world and if i ever say anything like i hate people, i also hate myself, or no ones to be trusted, i cant trust myself, or everyone is so immature, im immature, or theyre so ugly, im so ugly, it just goes on and on. and i do hate the world, and life, and have no faith in ever finding happiness or love or true friends or ever trusting myself to be a good friend 120% of the time. its all just hopeless.