Hi, I'm new here. I'm not going to rant about my history with mental issues. Just understand that I have been a mess for decades and though I have tried many therapist, treatments, meds, doctors, ect... I still have gotten steadily worse. Before I could hold a job and now I can barely shower or sleep. It's to the point now I have no friends left to support me because I'm so depressed no one wants to talk to me any more. Currently I see no option other than suicide. And I have tried to reach out to get help from many sources over the years. What I find is that I am ignored, abused, or told to just get over it. Now after a life time of this, these experiences are telling me that I would do much better if I kill myself. People are suffering because of me and I am unable to contribute to society. This is not some temporary issue, I've been suffering like this and getting steadily worse for decades. No one seems to want to help me, and when they do they only give me even more issues and take my money. So right now I am sitting here, sobbing. All I see is either I kill myself, Or call 911 for help. I have been in this situation many times before. And yes, I called 911 and did not commit suicide. But every time I received no help, instead abused, sometimes sexually and now am in great amounts of dept because of my hospital bills. Are there any other kinds of help out there other than going to a ward? I am not going to one again because it will just give me more bills and issues. I'm at a loss for words here at the lack of my options to get help and if the only way is to just go to ward after ward in a desperate hope that one will work, then I will just kill myself.