I really wanted to make 2008 my year. But 3 months have gone by and nothing is better. No matter what I do I cannot change this path. I try to do it all the right way. I always felt as if a mistake had happened. Those times as a child when I did not die I was suppossed to die. I have nobody. Nobody will listen to how I'm feeling. They just tell me to pull myself together and to not brake down. Just do this. Just do that. I'm so tired. Not sleepy. But tired. I feel myself falling into the darkness. I try to avoid it but I cannot prevent it. One day I will not get better and I will end it. Nobody will notice me being gone anyway. Soon it will be as had I never excisted. It makes me sad to know I will be so easy to forget. All my life I have been to parties or gatherings and afterwards many told me I wasn't there. They never saw me. How could I be so invinsible when I was alive and happy. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not really here. Maybe I just think I'm here. Maybe I have to commit suicide to understand I'm not actually here.