I really wanted to make 2008 my year. But 3 months have gone by and nothing is better. No matter what I do I cannot change this path. I try to do it all the right way. I always felt as if a mistake had happened. Those times as a child when I did not die I was suppossed to die. I have nobody. Nobody will listen to how I'm feeling. They just tell me to pull myself together and to not brake down. Just do this. Just do that. I'm so tired. Not sleepy. But tired. I feel myself falling into the darkness. I try to avoid it but I cannot prevent it. One day I will not get better and I will end it. Nobody will notice me being gone anyway. Soon it will be as had I never excisted. It makes me sad to know I will be so easy to forget. All my life I have been to parties or gatherings and afterwards many told me I wasn't there. They never saw me. How could I be so invinsible when I was alive and happy. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not really here. Maybe I just think I'm here. Maybe I have to commit suicide to understand I'm not actually here.
No other choice
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I will always listen to you I promise even if it means jumping on a plane and coming to where you're and I'm not just saying that.Also I know what you're saying that you wanted 2008 to be a different year I feel exactly the same way,but please take everything I say as serious because I really mean it I promise.Also you don't have to commit suicide please don't please I'm here for you I promise.:sad:
people who say "pull yourself together" really have no clue about depression. would they tell someone with a broken leg to pull himself together? nope.
all i can say is that there are people out there who won't say stupid stuff like that to you, and the best place to find them (other than here of course) is starting with your doctor who can refer you to mental health services in your area. it's a tough conversation to have, believe me i know, i've done it. but if your doctor is any goodyou will be amazed at the supports that are available to help you recover from depression.
once you start feeling really, really suicidal it's hard to 'think' your way into recovery, that's why having other supports can help. it's worth it, it truly is.
all i can say is that there are people out there who won't say stupid stuff like that to you, and the best place to find them (other than here of course) is starting with your doctor who can refer you to mental health services in your area. it's a tough conversation to have, believe me i know, i've done it. but if your doctor is any goodyou will be amazed at the supports that are available to help you recover from depression.
once you start feeling really, really suicidal it's hard to 'think' your way into recovery, that's why having other supports can help. it's worth it, it truly is.
D
Please angelgirl, don't give up. I sometimes feel like I'm invisible and no one notices that I'm there. I think it's because if you're blending in the crowd pretty well, then you won't stand out. If you want to be noticed then you have to be different. Things can get better and your life really does matter. :hug:
Thanks. I'm reading a book on exactly that - how to get noticed and heard. Sometimes I really feel like I'm just creating an illussion of the world and that I'm not really here. I worry I'll get stuck one day in that feeling. These days I just don't know what to do. My doctor will not give me medicin. I don't have anyone to talk to. I just feel alone and sad. I turn on all the lights to try and not fall into the darkness. But I just don't see a way to get better and actually create a life for myself. I brake down so easily though I try to be strong. It's like running into a wall all the time. I try and try and I'm so tired now.
one idea, can you go to another doctor? a doctor who does not take depression seriously is an idiot, sorry, but there it is. medication by itself isn't much help, often you can feel more suicidal when you start on anti-depressants, but medication along with mental health supports (nurse, social worker, or therapist) is really helpful.
ugh. just want to go on over and slap him! or her!
ugh. just want to go on over and slap him! or her!
You know Id rather be doing something else, but because someone gave a care about how I felt, I will enlighten you. Death is the very last option.
I dont know if your a guy or a girl but how would you feel if you achieve everything you wanted? Would you still feel like ending it? I am probably the most favourable to the the last resort here at the moment, but you seem bright dont waste your life on an emotion.
I dont know if your a guy or a girl but how would you feel if you achieve everything you wanted? Would you still feel like ending it? I am probably the most favourable to the the last resort here at the moment, but you seem bright dont waste your life on an emotion.
I am really bad with words, not assuming your ugly or anything, but if your distress has something to do with the way you look, just remember the ugly duckling that became a beautifull swan. My mum was the same although she would never reveal it. They even made news because this was during the heat of the cold war. Anyway dont worry us guys all have different views of beauty. I couldt give a dam if a girl had spots, but others would. And so it goes on. Be confident and lift your chin up.
I'm not sure I understand lastmessage. I'm not looking for a boyfriend in any way so I'm not feeling sad about that. About achieving everything I want to - I have no way of knowing how I'd feel. I only know how I feel right now. If it is a depression it comes to successfull people too. I just know that I get tired from trying. The feeling of being alone has nothing to do with wanting a boyfriend. It's because I don't matter. What I say and do doesn't matter and I cannot make a difference or a change. I can be amongst 100 people and be sure I'm not there. It's as I do not excist. I want to feel like I matter. I want to be needed. I want to be heard. But right I'm just tired and I mostly just want to sleep and never wake up.
Or much of anything else, you'll find. I hate to judge people but I've known too many of those types. They're almost always ignorant, prejudiced windbags.
You can't "get over it", not unless it's a temporary or mild depression. I really don't care what they think...now, or after I shoot myself in the head. This is my last month to live and I really don't give a damn what my so-called "associates" think about it.
I'm not sure I understand lastmessage. I'm not looking for a boyfriend in any way so I'm not feeling sad about that. About achieving everything I want to - I have no way of knowing how I'd feel. I only know how I feel right now. If it is a depression it comes to successfull people too. I just know that I get tired from trying. The feeling of being alone has nothing to do with wanting a boyfriend. It's because I don't matter. What I say and do doesn't matter and I cannot make a difference or a change. I can be amongst 100 people and be sure I'm not there. It's as I do not excist. I want to feel like I matter. I want to be needed. I want to be heard. But right I'm just tired and I mostly just want to sleep and never wake up.
oh well, I'm tired so I think I'm just doing crazy talk. Gonna try to lay meself down now.
I really wanted to make 2008 my year. But 3 months have gone by and nothing is better. No matter what I do I cannot change this path. I try to do it all the right way. I always felt as if a mistake had happened. Those times as a child when I did not die I was suppossed to die. I have nobody. Nobody will listen to how I'm feeling. They just tell me to pull myself together and to not brake down. Just do this. Just do that. I'm so tired. Not sleepy. But tired. I feel myself falling into the darkness. I try to avoid it but I cannot prevent it. One day I will not get better and I will end it. Nobody will notice me being gone anyway. Soon it will be as had I never excisted. It makes me sad to know I will be so easy to forget. All my life I have been to parties or gatherings and afterwards many told me I wasn't there. They never saw me. How could I be so invinsible when I was alive and happy. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not really here. Maybe I just think I'm here. Maybe I have to commit suicide to understand I'm not actually here.
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