I have no one else to talk to, scream to, anyone who may seem to understand all of this crap or anyone who would actually give a shit either. I'm not sure how much longer I'll take this constant negativity from her, one of these days I'm going to speak my mind back. I just know they are feeling crap and scared and frustrated, so why should I add to those feelings by being honest? It seems odd just typing that, but thats how I feel. I have been handed enough guilt, its just not worth it to stir up anything additional as its difficult enough for me. In addition I keep messing up friendships, so a warning to anyone out there, don't even bother talking to me. Its not worth it. I'll screw it up. On top of everything else I got my mri results yesterday and am scared. Today I've gone through more tests and have more yet to go. What will I do, when I am alone, if these tests confirm all? How would it even be possible then for me to go on? It just feels like too, too much on top of everything else going on. Today, just for today, I wish to be able to make it through. Am over everything.