no other way

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by please forgive me, Sep 5, 2013.

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  1. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    There is no other way out of all this pain, but suicide, have been up for 3 nights going over and over in my head why i should, from emotional pain to physical pain, <edit mod total eclipse time line>i just feel like this is it, no more thinking about it, ease my pain and those around me, so please forgive me for leaving i just cant deal with the issues anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There is another way so please call your doctor please call a crisis line or go directly to hospital emergency and they will help you with your pain both emotional and physical hun
    Reach out now hun and get the support you need
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please talk to us... what's brought you to this point?
     
  4. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I have lost a good friend to suicide, it should have been me and not them , it was my fault we were suppose to go together, but they left before me, i was away for a while and when i came back they were gone, they killed themselves. i dont sleep anymore just walk outside at night where its cool thinking how i should end it. i feel so on edge and thats not like me. yes i deserve to die, my friend needed me and i was not around,
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No, you don't deserve to die. I'm so sorry you lost someone close to you to suicide though... I know how much that hurts because I've experienced it.
     
  6. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I am sorry for your loss, the pain dosnt seem to go away, and all i want to do is join them, there is nothing left for me in this world, i cant talk to them, we talked everyday, about good and bad things laughed cried, i said something that day to them on the phone that made them mad, and that was what drove them to kill themselves. I cant face my failure anymore, i hit the wall out of anger i cut my body to feel the pain, all these things keep going on in my head, it just dosnt stop.
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    How long ago did you lose your friend?

    No matter what was said or done, it was ultimately their decision to go... it isn't your fault. You'd mentioned earlier that you had planned to go together, so I'm assuming this person was suicidal before they became upset with you.

    I know words can't take away the feeling of guilt... but it truly isn't your fault. :hug:
     
  8. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    i loss my friend 2 days ago, from a <edit mod total eclipse method> everyday and every night i play it over and over in my brain, it should have been me not them, they were the best friend i ever had, and now im here with out them hating myself, i need to stop procrastinating and follow my friend, i have cut so much to bleed to death, i have swallowed pills that just got me sick, i just didnt want my family to see me all messed up from <a edit mod method> if i said too much i am sorry, yes they were suicidal wildcherry but i was suppose to be there for them, like they were always for me. thank you for your caring and for the help. and for letting me cry, and not putting me down
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2013
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through! :hug:

    You mentioned your family. And I know this isn't what you want to hear right now. But if you were to go through with it, you'd be putting them through exactly what you're going through right now. We both know how much it hurts to lose someone you care about. It's hurting you, but it would also hurt your family just as much. Please keep reaching out, keep talking here.

    It's okay to cry. :hug: I'm not going to put you down, I'll just listen, and support you as much as I can. Hoping you'll reconsider and continue reaching out for help.
     
  10. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    Its just so hard, i miss their voice, i am so angry at me i dont care anymore about this world, about my job my bills , i feel like just going out and leaving my life behind and getting rid of this body , so my family wont have to look at what i have done i know it will hurt my family i am so sorry for that, but they wont miss me as much anyway, i have just been a burden to them for many years, they dont care, my friend was the only one that did, i will stop taking up your time. sorry for the long story,
     
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't apologize... you can post as much as you want to, and if you want to talk, you can PM me anytime.

    I know you're angry at yourself, and at this point you're hurting so much that your emotions are probably all over the place. Just know that you aren't a burden here. :hug:
     
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU hun are NOT to blame ok I know that guilt ok i blame myself every day for my brothers suicide every day and no matter what anyones says the guilt stays

    YOur friend had decided to leave with or without you hun and who knows what cause him to chose that day. you don't know where his mind was at
    Your family will NOT move on they will live with pain l i do for the rest of their lives they will NOT get over it hun

    It is so fresh hun you loss you need to please reach out for support professional help to guide you through the sadness the loss ok you get some help so no one else has to suffer what you are feeling right now hugs
     
  13. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    emotions are so crazy right now, i am ok one minute the next my hearts starts to feel so sad and the tears fall and then the anger, i just wish i was able to say bye to my friend , so much sadness, so much anger right now , i feel like my brain is going to explode, i just want to forget this life, this world thank you for listening to me and for the advice wildcherry,
     
  14. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I feel bad because my mind is set on doing this and i know it will hurt my family, but i dont want to go on hurting in this world anymore, its too painful, it wears me down, its so darn not right, i feel pain so i kill myself and my family feels pain. no win situation, but at this moment i dont want to hurt anymore i want to be with my friend , total eclipse I am sorry for your the loss of your brother, i lost a family member but not to suicide, it is so painful, my friend was like a brother, and i just want to scream and be with them , sorry if i dont make sense its just all messed up in my head right now
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What you are feeling is ok anger sadness all comes with grief hun you are feeling what you should feel right now I mentioned a therapist only because i too was so confused and in so much pain the therapist help me stay here hun so i did not harm my family more by leaving You deserve help hun talk to someone hun anyone ok it helps
     
  16. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I want to quit my job, get away from everyone i know, and just die alone , the loss of my friend has been the hardest thing for me, but there is also other issues i have and things i deal, i feel so alone , my heart is empty, i have nothing to give ,
     
  17. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    There is no other way to deal with this, each hour i feel more closer to following through with it, i have taken many pills have had a few drinks, i have not drank in a long time its going to be a long night, i feel so anxious
     
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Let us try to help you through this... you don't have to go through it alone!!
     
  19. listless

    listless Banned Member

    It's not your fault, don't torture yourself over the loss of your friend. Would your friend want to see you suffer or make yourself suffer as you're doing now? All of us here have gone through hardships and terrible, traumatic experiences, you're not alone. You don't have to carry any feeling of guilt or shame.

    Who are we anyways, but just a blip on the continuity of human life. Two people chose to have kids, that's why we're here. You shouldn't make things more dramatic than they need to be, as others said, people who end their lives are ultimately responsible for themselves. We all will die at some point, either by our own hands or by an act of nature. Take your life into context, if it's really not that bad, then just try to improve on it. If its emotionally difficulties seek professional help.

    Lastly don't live for your family-or let them make you feel any less of a person than they are. No one can help you but yourself if you want to. Join a support group and let them become your surrogate family. There are other options aside from killing yourself.
     
  20. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    Thank you listless for listening i know no one can help me , but me , thats where the problem lies because i dont want to live anymore, thee is no other way
     
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