I just feel like if it ended today, it would not be an end, because nothing is going on in my life. I've spent years watching other people, they talk so much, so much goes on in their lives. I am not going anywhere. Sometimes I get up and try again, but for the moment, I just feel scared of the nothingness that's inside me. If I go upstairs now and try to kill myself, nothing happened.How do I gain a sense of life, like something that happened yesterday will be the same tomorrow? Like if I work hard enough over time something good will happen? Like I CAN FUCKING WRITE MY FEELINGS DOWN AND HAVE THE WORDS BE TRUE FIVE MINUTES LATER!!! Like I really am dying, because if I don't feel like time is running out, is time passing at all? And like I'm not already dead, like time isn't slipping faster and faster and that any moment now, it'll all be over. and nothing happened.