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no place to turn

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by flowers, Jun 17, 2009.

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  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi I am an antique. I am 58 years old. one would think I would have worked things through by now. but instead they get worse. Many circumstances recently have caused me to be in crisis state. more than ever. The crisis state started last october or november and has gotten only worse since. Until now, finally I beg to die.

    I am too afraid to say much. Because I am so fragile. I just forced myself to talk in the lobby chatroom. It was hard. But I did it. someone told me I "sucked". i left and burst into tears. Because I have no one to turn to. No one to talk to. I am alone. Cry constantly. alone. I was forcing myself to be with people until the last thing happened in my life 10 days ago.

    I beg to die. But I always say that I want to go to the light. Dying and going to a similar vibration of hell on earth would be futile. Even a spiritual teacher who has known me for 18 years finally concedes that there does seem to be little reason to hope on all fronts. Anyway, there it is. I am not saying spicifics of what brought me to this condition I am in recently. Because talking does not feel safe. It has made things much worse for me irl. I am in real crisis. stemming from circumstances which have mounted over the past 7 months. Thank you for reading this. Blessings
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2009
  2. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    Good morning (At least where I am) Flowers..
    Firstly let me apologise for the occupants of the chat room..It is not really a place for cognitive discussion at this hour..
    Secondly, age is not a factor..I am 35 && have been having trouble for over 20 years..
    Please come into the quiet room and talk..I will be there for the next hour or so

    Twenty minutes later: I see you are offline..Please don't let a single experience put you off the forum hon..This place is such a haven when you need something to cling to, believe me I have spent many a night with some kindly soul who wasn't pre-pubescent or offensive.. Please post and vent whats on your mind..
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2009
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you were treated in this manner flowers. The person that said that to you was out of line. The chatroom can be a difficult place to be at times. There are some very good people there, but then there can be others that are quite self- serving. Feel free to PM me anytime. I will listen without judgment and do what I can to support you. You do not have to feel alone. :hug:
  4. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    You are not the only antique around here. I am 56. I know what you mean that in some ways things just get worse the older you get. People do not understand the tiredness of dealing with things for so many years. Maybe if you let some of your problems out, we can help shoulder some of your concerns. Hope things get better for you.
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hi Flowers, I'm 54. I hope you can find some peace and understanding here. I gave up on the chat room long ago. Please feel free to send me a private message any time. There are so many caring and wonderful people here and you will be able to make some contacts and/or friends, so please stick with us.
  6. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    In some ways it shows how brave you were to go into the chat room - I only looked a couple times and KNEW that it was too much for me! I'm 48 and sometimes feel 148...

    Times get real tough especially when feeling alone. Take care and keep reaching out.
  7. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I've been in chat once. Said hi then left. Was too much for me.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thank you SweetVitriol I did not see your message before I logged off. That was a really nice offer you made. I appreciate it more than I can experess. I would not give up that easily on going here. If I was going to leave because of that, i would not have written this thread. Cant ask for help and then not come back.

    Thanks gentlelady for the offer to pm you. I appreciate that as well. Thats a tremendous challenge to reach out. Just do not like to bother people. thus my attempt to just chat in chatroom. Not a good idea. Although the previous day I did meet sparkle there. So, yes, "there are some very good people there", as you said.

    GA-lost ahhh 56. Well I have two years on you. I watch people getting it together as they age. sort of like a fine wine. For me it just didnt work that way. ".....Maybe if you let some of your problems out, we can help shoulder some of your concerns......." thank you. I will try. Its a bit of a challenge to take up someones time, or take up space etc.

    Shades, thank you, I will not give up so fast. honestly, I would have not written this post if I was going to give up on this website. Thank you for the offer to pm you.

    TBear "Times get real tough especially when feeling alone" yes. I was going to a spiritual forum. ( generic in nature) I cant go there anymore. i just feel like I am hiding so much. I had to pull back. How can you tell people you feel so desperatly hurt and lost that you dont want to live. People get very scared of that. And it is very humiliating also. Whenever possible I try to hold on to my impressive mask.

    Junkie returns, I actually had a good experience when I went into the chatroom yesterday or the day before. I went in there to find someone who could tell me how to post an introductory thread. I met two very safe people there. So I was surprised by the experience tonight. I learned that the chatroom is not for me. fortunatly, i had not said anything much. So I knew it could not have been anything upsetting that i said. I only said that I did not have a particular key on my keyboard. I think it just threw me into the 50th crying jag of the day.

    Again, thank you all for caring enough for answering. I will write your names on a safe list. I am safe also. I do not judge. And for years I volunteered to help people until my physical health and finances declined 1 1/2 years ago. then the chewing gum gave way on the holes in the dam.
  9. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you had that experience in the chat room. I've only been in there twice and it was too much for me for various reasons.

    I can relate to a lot of what you said. I am broken in a lot of ways, but trying to stick around to find a way to go on. Some days, most days, that's a lot harder than I know how to deal with, if that makes sense.

    I'll be 40 soon so I am not in the younger crowd here either. You can talk to me, PM me any time. You can even just vent one-way if you need to... I know what it's like to feel like reaching out means there's expectations of replies and whatever, and I just wanted you to know I am here in any way that might be helpful for you. Even if it's just to let you know that you are NOT alone in this kind of pain. :(
  10. tainted-angel

    tainted-angel Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that happend you!

    I remember talkin to you in chat yesterday i think it was....and i realy appreciated talkin to you....

    Dont be shy to come back in.... there are alot of good people around here...
    and if u ever needa talk, pm me....
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya Flowers,

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience in the chat room.
    There are much more helpful people here than unhelpful,I hope you'll give us another chance. I enjoyed talking to you in chat the other day :hug:
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thank you bluedays. For most people life is worth sticking around for, as you said. For me there just came a point where I knew this was it. But for most people life can change. I truely believe that, just as I truely believed in the possibility of it for myself until I was 58 years old. So I do commend you for wanting to stick around to find a way to go on. And I truely do believe that relief is possible for many many many people. I truely do. in my eyes you are young. Its all relative. right?

    Thanks Tainted-angel. I do remember you saying hello. I remember calling you angel. (sans the tainted)

    thank you daiseychain. i remember youre saying hello to me in the chatroom. I liked your name.

    I can see for sure there are really kind and caring, gentle people here. thank you
  13. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    flowers :hug:

    I'm sorry you find yourself so down and that you also experienced a bad situation in chat :( please don't let it put you off chat entirely - there are some really good people to talk to there :hug: I have thought of you since i met you in chat and am sending thoughts and hugs to you

  14. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    thank you Ellie,
    you were amazingly kind when I first went to chat. I found a way to look at who is chatting. so if I want to go there I can look to see if there is a known safe person there first. Maybe I will be able to say more than hi someday. Thank you for talking to me that first day. i was, and remain grateful
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