No point in anything

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SongIsOver, Feb 28, 2014.

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  1. SongIsOver

    SongIsOver Well-Known Member

    After years and years of trauma and crisis...
    I'm not equipped to handle...
    I lost my job today, and I'm supposed to be relieved
    because it was excruciatingly, unbearably toxic
    enough to send me to the hospital

    I went out
    to try to separate myself from it
    from that "me" that's been so vital to my existence, yet so
    condemned, despite being untrue - or is it?

    I found a world into which I no longer fit
    it's passed me by
    my time has come and gone unused

    I came home feeling completely foreign
    in what is supposed to be my own life

    I'm not okay, but it doesn't matter
    it doesn't matter

    there's no point in anything at all, really
    There's just no point.

    It's all just a bunch of pain
    and no point
  2. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    SongIsOver does fit in this world. Sorry you are in so much pain. Keep posting please. Have or are you seeking professional help? SF is a safe and supportive place but I also have to have the professional help/meds to not feel that way. Would you allow us to know more?
  3. SongIsOver

    SongIsOver Well-Known Member

    I don't feel I fit at all. It's been too long trying. It's not something fixable, it's just who I am... and these traumatic experiences keep happening over and over, for too long, and I'm just so done - been so done - I can't feel any point to anything anymore.

    Meds I won't do besides xanax - and I just have a limited supply left... Other meds are just not for me and I don't really like to have to explain why, but I won't. And besides, even if they worked (without taking away that which about myself is important to me), they won't "fix" who I am or why I'm in the wrong life or magically fix it. I'm sick and tired and done.

    Therapist of limited help.
    I don't have the ability to shop around or tell and re-tell my story, it's not possible for me.

    It's not all that something is "wrong" with me anyway....... it's just the wrong life, the wrong ..... I did it all wrong and it's too late.
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    So it is all 'wrong'.

    Simple question....what for you would be all right?

    What was all right before?
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    how come the meds are limited?
  6. SongIsOver

    SongIsOver Well-Known Member

    The meds are limited to what I have on-hand because I lost my job and the person who prescribed it who knew why I desperately needed it was at the healthcare clinic my employer had, which was my primary care, but that I can't go to anymore because I lost my job, and it's very difficult to get anyone to prescribe it. I don't have another dr (long story) and whenever in the past I've tried, they just prescribe xanax, they'd rather you take ADs every day (which I won't take for their side effects and in the past haven't worked for me anyway) instead of giving you something you can only take when you need it. My job situation put me in crisis but now that I've lost it, because of the things they did to me, still in crisis and I feel like nobody really understands how bad it is for me, and that this isn't a temporary thing, it's longstanding from repeated traumas and I'm just done with so much about life...

    My whole life has been wrong. Nothing was all right before. I pursued a very wrong life and it's really too late to fix. Everything I've done has been wrong. Gone wrong. Done wrong. There's no way for it to be all right because that would take a miracle of immense financial proportions that just doesn't happen. And it's basically too late for me to be what I want, to do what I want....... age ...... too late. No cliches about "never too late" because, maybe sometimes it just is. But that's the only thing that matters to me, so if I've wasted my life not doing and being what I am, and now it's too late, then really I feel there is no point at all. Nothing has any meaning whatsoever.
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