No point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chronicallyannoyed, Jun 30, 2016.

  1. Chronicallyannoyed

    Chronicallyannoyed New Member

    Gonna try to keep this short because I don't want to bore everyone. I'm 20 years old and all I can think about is ending my life. I was diagnosed with depression when I was about 8. I vividly remember crying and begging my mom to let me stay home from school because I felt so terrible every day. My life is pretty normal and I really shouldn't be sad, I don't have any major reason to be. Which makes it even worse.
    I'm 20 and I dropped out of college because I can't make myself get out of bed in the morning. My parents cut me off because they think that I'm a lazy piece of shit (which is true), and the only way I can make it through the day is by self medicating or drinking..
    I've heard that "things will get better" for years now, but they won't. I've tried every depression med there is. I've been in and out of therapy since I was a kid. I deserve peace right? What would be so wrong about ending my life?
    I'm sorry I'm all ramble-y but I just don't know what to say. I really would've done it already if it weren't for my boyfriend. Are relationship is kinda bad but I can't seem to break it off, he won't let me. And I can't imagine how he would feel if I killed myself, especially bc he knows that I'm suicidal. I deserve peace
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Let me correct you, you are not rambling but tell us your story to let out you pain from within. You need our help and we here to help you. You realise deep down you boyfriend deeply cares about you and that what you need to keep going. That care he shows, in my eyes, is something to,live for.

    Ok, your parents cut you off but that's up to them. Parents can supportive or just trying to show you that they care in a funny way. You need to be strong and we are willing to help you as much you need.

    You should use the diary function in order to write your feelings as it helps to release the pain from within. I hope you keep posting here as we try our best to support you.

    Take care and most important be safe.
     
  3. Truth Seeker

    Truth Seeker New Member

    You are valuable, not because of what you do or have done or what anyone says or doesn't say, but because you live and you are who you are !!! You are only 20 years old, you are an emerging adult. Expectations that come from others make it hard to mature into your own beautiful person, but not impossible, I have hope for you. I can see you are capable of relationships that are good and healthy for growth. I think this human life with a body, mind, soul and spirit can seem soooooo complicated and hard to understand. We are all broken and in need of restoration. The restoration process is a lot of work, our spirit is in need of an unconditional love. This might be a struggle, but find one thing about life or something living in the world, that is meaningful, a simple laugh you might hear, a tear in your eye that means you feel and grieve this broken world. Find something in nature that is meaningful to you, a bird that flys or sings, a flower that blooms with no concern if it will rain soon!! Peace I know can be found without taking it into our own hands. Our spirit needs and is looking for peace. I like to think of looking for peace as a car that we are trying to drive without gas in it. The car won't go----we try to push it, taking it into our own hands. Investigating, seeking and feeding our spirit the things of peace is what gives us peace, we cannot just "push" our way to it !!! I know some people that have helped me with seeking peace and truth. Reply and possibly I can share them. Hoping and praying for you now!!!