No point

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by spidy, Jan 3, 2010.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I dont see any reason anymore as everything i do gets stuffed up anyone i get close too i seem too push away or ruin relationship.Ive tried help yet i cant seem to keep a posative attitude.Im scared i will push my kids away as well.My depression is at its worst and my moods are up and down from lows to anger.I cant handle noise or pressure put upon me.I just dont know what to do with myself.I have no motivation what so ever and cant find any.I feel everyone is against me so makes me feel like im fghting an army.I feel like im hitting a brick wall everytime i try to move forward.Just wonder if i dissapear would anyone even notice.I do feel very alone and dont know where to go now.Wish i knew what stirred this demon up so much or how to void this demon without the alternative.
  2. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    I'm in the same place as you, I'm pretty much going through most of the stuff you said as well.
    I don't have anything to say atm because i'm feeling pretty bad myself and i'm struggling with the same thing so I don't have an answer for you :(
    But I'm here to listen.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just want you to know that you would be missed if you were gone. :hug:
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I gotta second that. And not just by the members here that know you. But your kids too. As much as you think you arent playing a part in their lives, you are an important part in it. They know who you are and what you are to them. Gav, have you ever sat down with them and just ask in a round about way what they think of you in the dad role. If you asked them to say 2 or 3 things about what you are as a daddy to them, I think you would be amazed at the answers. Even if teeny as 2 or 3, you have made a lifetime impact on them.

    And as much as we think our depression is so apparent to everyone, most times our children dont see it.

    Please try and see that you are important to those kids. And that if you keep working with them in sight, it might help to make the battle a little less one sided. That the depression cant take hold so deeply if you have something to focus towards getting better for. Because so often the depression blinds us to being able to care about ourselves. So a second goal is really necessary. Please dont give up?
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Im trying to see thngs in the eyes of my children but at the same time mum is more important.My oldest knows whats going on and she can see im a fck up which is sad she only 9.Dont really give me much hope and not tht i havnt tried but thier mum gives them better family days as my mum dad aint here any more and all ive got to offer is time with me which they find quite boring.I have nothing to offer not even a fcking house to go too.So i am looser father of the year 2009 i won should be able too this year too.
  6. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    please try to fight these thought & we all with you :hug:
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not a loser father. What you're going through right now isn't your fault. :hug: Please keep trying, keep fighting!
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Seems is my fault i failed at somethng else cant even keep a roof over my head i have failed my kids as family is broken now tht was my fault apparently.Is my fault i cant get my sht together.Sorry its just getting all on top of me again.Im fghting hard but again im fghting loosing battle and bck to thnking about what senario to use to end this suffering. i feel im drifting away from my kids and they about the only ones i dont push away but feels im loosing them.More i thnk about sht the more i realise what has been torn away from me.I dont even get a say on some of the decisions made for the kids just left in the dark.Basically on the outside looking in not part of fck all anymore.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's NOT your fault though. You're fighting so hard to find your way out of this. You're doing the best you can. What your'e going through is hell, but you're making it, day by day. Don't give up on yourself.
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