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No reason to live

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Jan 19, 2015.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Sometimes people say they can't kill themselves because they don't want hurt their loved ones when they leave them behind. But what about when you are seen as a bad person, and people actually WANT you dead? I am tired of people saying this is all just in my head when I have proof that's not the case. So what would be the point of staying alive when no one wants you around?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    My family do not take mental illness seriously, they don't show any support for my illnesses except for my physical ones. It's very deflating.
    Think of it as they do not understand as they probably don't. And stick talking to the people who do understand.
    I think you are pretty awesome and very nice to talk with I would hate for anything bad to happen to you. :hug:
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    It's more than that, I think that people actually hate me. My mom always says she is going to tell people what a bad person I am, and that I am two faced, all of this because I dare to stand up to all the name calling and point out that she has flaws that she can change. But it seems like she has won, so has anyone else that puts me down. People keep pointing out all of my flaws and that makes me feel like even more of a failure and loser.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, I bet you could point out their flaws, but you wouldn't because you are better than that :)

    You are not a failure or a loser, you might not want to be where you are in life right now but you will get there pet :hug:
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm tired of being made to feel stupid, or ugly, or worthless, being told I have no talent and that my vocabulary is not good enough. Makes me wonder if I should pursue anything I am interested in since apparently I am not good enough at anything. When several people tell you bad things about yourself your whole life, you start to internalize it and view it as truth. Sometimes I don't see why I was meant to be here at all and wonder why I still am.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You're not any of those things mentioned hun. I do understand though that when people are constantly putting you down, your reaction would be to stay down. Fight back and prove them wrong :)
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think that I have any fight left in me. I feel that it is time to give up for good.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    No, that's not the solution to this. Suicide is never the solution to anything. No giving up hun, maybe call a helpline hun? So a trained person can give you advice 'cos I want to help but I am not sure how to. The links were just updated today :hug:
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel like I am beyond help now. As my mom said, therapy isn't helping me to become a better person. I can't imagine feeling this kind of pain for the rest of my life. I just can't bear this any longer.
  10. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    I just want to express my empathy and affinity that i felt from reading your post! As soon as i did i thought about a post i posed earlier today and how pertinent it was with what youve so bravley expressed, so i have copied and pasted part of it! because it is part of me and it relates with you! and i hope it will make sense and give you some releif! but just for you im going to re edit it so that it is especially for you and more importantly that you know that someone somewhere has put in there time effort and passion into trying to help you because they truly sense and beleive you are worth it!!!!!

    Someone once said to me "IF YOU STAY IN A BARBERS LONG ENOUGHT. YOULL GET A HAIRCUT"...My immediate interpretation of that saying was that ,whatever enviroment im in if i stay thier long enought I will absorb its characteristics! If i stay in france long enought ill do as the french do! and eventually even pick up the language...I must protect myself from toxic and abusive people, situations, entities...Its fucking hard work! when you have been abused oppressed,broken,brainwashed mislead and infected by other damaged individuals to do the bestand nurturing thing for yourself... Sometimes it takes a shock to the system! Bullies always get there comupence sooner or later! But abuse can be like a cancer and often the oppressed become the oppresser. Your dealing with the battle of your life to change the tide and fight the good fight! Im not gonna lie and say its easy! But its easier than dying in your heart and soul a thousand times, scared to live and afraid to die! Its easier to fight your way out of the quagmire than to stay their and lie down and die...because trust me when i tell you people like us are like tanks! we dont die easily ....Ive experienced that throughout my life and its probably Not being loved and nutured and being ignored was one of the most painfull thing that can happen to me! All I ever wanted was to be LOVED! wanted needed and LOVED! I guess my yearning for it became needy and toxic to an extent and even warped and twisted to the point where i would eventually push people away and reject and abandon them before they could do it to me! I ended up on my own on purpose so that nobody could hurt me! one day I created an image in my head of getting my mother in a choke hold and begging her to Love me in rage anger and hurt! Thats was such an accurate image of how i felt/feel and probably acted/act! Ultimatley I was taught not to Love ME! Not to Nurture, Care, acknowledge,accept and be ME! I now realise that charity starts at home! and that I have to be my own parent, friend, and even Lover! lol...Not to be my own worst enemy! A walking disaster, falling on my own sword! That im worth Loving! and that its really not my fault! Hurt people Hurt! and that im a good human being, and that Im worth living and that if they dont like me, it really dosent matter because I dont like me even more than they could ever understand, I had/have to change the toxic negative narrative hounding me from my core!Which it seems is going be a life long undertaking! But I/you are not alone when we decide enought is enough and its time! the universe sends helpers support comes out the woodwork and the way is made clear...peace and light ! Gabriel
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2015
  11. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Witty please stay strong as you are important. You are supportive of everyone and you deserve the same support. Be safe and take care.
  12. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    You are not your mother.
    You are not what other people say.
    I am so sorry that one of the people who should be the most supportive of you has failed. That is her failure and not yours.
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks everyone...it seems like a struggle but I am trying my hardest to pull through this. I just have to not let the darkness overcome me.
  14. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Do you live with your mother, Witty?
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What your mom says is about as far from the truth as humanly possible. Just because she says therapy isn't helping you, doesn't make that true; and it doesn't make any of what she says true. We can't stop her from saying negative things about you. But we can tell you about your positive qualities, and hopefully you'll start to believe them. You do have reasons to live and things to look forward to, and I hope you fight to keep anyone from taking those away from you. You aren't your mother, you're nothing like her. You're truly a good person and an amazing friend.
  16. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    witty, when we spoke last, i concluded you're an amazing person, not a bad thing in you
  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, I do live with her, kind of stuck right now. So I have to tune her out as best I can. Thanks for all of the nice comments, they made me feel better, and help me to see myself in a different light :)
  18. Milkyway

    Milkyway Well-Known Member

    If there is no reason to live then find one. No one lives forever, but few leave something that lives forever.

    I care what people say about me. What people say about me is definitely my business. I try to understand why do they say so. If they say similar things about others, I just ignore their words but not before I consider if there is any truth in that. I also ignore if they say those things while comparing me with others. I am different than not only others but also different from what people think I should be like. It doesn't mean I try to become what they want me to be or totally opposite of that, just someone of value.

    Are you someone of value?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2015
  19. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    ...What people think and feel about me , dosent effect me. Only what I think and feel about what they think and feel effects me...
  20. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I doubt I am a person of value, and I think people say mean things about me because they are true. They can't say them without any reasoning behind them. So maybe I have no reason to be here after all.
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