I don't know why to live anymore. I can't think of anything that makes me happy friends,none family,useless sex,hopeless All I do on my subway trip to school is think of something that makes me happy to find a reason to live. Can't find even one yet. Everything in life to me is either neutral or negative either I don't care about it or I hate it. Living life without a purpose just living life just cause I am. Makes me sick everyday that I only live because the only thing holding me back is the fear of the pain of death. I feel like just smoking six joints and slitting my throat where no one can find me.