some of us, in this time of society cannot be redeemed. certain times in history have put much negativity on certain groups of individuals, that there was no return to a prosperous life. things I have done will haunt my future until I die, as far as I can tell. I don’t live as much as exist. over a decade, I have lived maybe 2 years total. I constantly wait for another opportunity at a possibility of living. I get tired of waiting. some will say ” well do something about it”. so many restrictions overseen by others makes making opportunities nearly impossible. some of just know in their hearts that unless something happens, by me or some other means, moving on from this life is the only option. I would love to share the things I have been through and done, so someone feeling like posting on this forum can maybe see that they still have a chance to have a good life. but even here in the suicidal project I may be judged. maybe that’s what i will do some day. maybe even suicidal people will judge what i have done and prove exactly what I am saying. maybe that can be the final break and I can say goodbye to this life. not today though. today I’m just existing.