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No relal reason to be here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Faralone, Dec 18, 2011.

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  1. Faralone

    Faralone New Member

    I have tried to think of "why" I should be here, they only thing I can really come up with are my dogs. I believe my husband loves me, and he is faithful, but when he get into a mood over something he stays quite and alone sometimes for days, I can't take it, i feel lost and alone way out here when he does this, this time, it's because I drove by some place to see if he was really there where he said he was going to be, I knew he was, I just get a suspicion in my head sometimes and I can't shake it for me...it was such a positive thing for me.....the best thing for me, because even though deep down i know hubby is definitely, not the cheating type of person, about anything....not just sex....he's a very honest kinda person. I feel like I have given a lot, but that he doesn't want to give me a break if I do something he doesn't like. I feel lost and alone and useless, and meaningless, unappreciated, old, worn out, I miss my band, though I though my band mates were friends after so many years, turned out they really weren't except for one.....aaaanyway I came up with ten reason why I don't need to be here, but only one to be here....my dogs

    1) I'm completely, entirely alone I have no friends or family they are 1700 miles away, and even there, no real friends and I didn't get to see my family much anyway
    2) I have no support system
    3) My kids and grand kids have their own lives and though will be sad, will deal with it fairly quickly and easily, maybe not BJ. It would be worst on him*
    4) I can't work, I have no way to support myself
    5) I have told David how I am feeling and it doesn't seem to phase him at all
    6) All I have really have is him, and after all these years of me thinking he understood me, my messed up self from abusive men and people...he really doesn't understand me at all, that I just get this "something" in my head and then run with it, I always will, scars embedded way too deeply to ever be different.
    7) David will be ok, he has lost a child, and you can't lose worst than that.....he'll make it, he has his job and he's out here where he wants to be and has a support system through work
    8) I'm old, there's no where to go from here anyway
    9) I'm fat and since I am an emotional eater...it's hard, again, no physical support
    10) There's just nothing left for me...I'm just existing
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It does not matter what distance your children are away from you hun they will always need you they will always want to call you when something is troubling them they will always love you Don't fool yourself into thinking they will get over it because i am telling you they won't hun The will live with the pain as i have been living withit for years now Your husband if he has never felt the pain then he will never trulyunderstand hun he just could not but he cares abt you and loves you You need a professional who does get it hun who will help you get through this dark time h ugs
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