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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Striking, May 1, 2016.

  1. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I went into a crisis center on Friday afternoon and spent two hours talking to a therapist. I told her if she started to write an m1 hold I would leave at the start of our session.

    She was the best therapist I have had since seeking treatment. She was angry that I had talked my way out holds in mid-march. She told me my charm and the kindness of therapists was not helpful for me.

    She was too good. Always had a counter argument, outmaneuvered me consistently, forced me to see how damaging my own words were. She broke me down.

    She wrote the hold and I eventually left before police could arrive to stop me.

    She told me multiple times that I need time for myself, that I was not getting better and should allow others to care for me for a little while. I was terrified at the thought.

    Right now I am unstable after a better day Saturday. I won't have anyone to talk to, maybe for awhile which is the main cause. Future worry but I know how I get when there are gaps in therapy. Hell I'm not doing so great right now.

    The weird thing is that I work in mental health. I see therapists, nurses and prescribers every day. But I also have lots of conflict due to some of these people being aware that I am in treatment. That also creates anxiety due to privacy concerns.

    This therapist called my office today and even though she did not say it, I know she recognized my voice.

    Ive been tearing up at my desk for hours now. This lack of anonymity, along with the reasons I went into that specific crisis center are making me feel panicked.

    I need to talk but Tuesday may be the earliest I will see my current T.

    That's as much as I write for now and I hope it is enough
     
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