No rescue

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ivo, May 27, 2012.

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  1. Ivo

    Ivo New Member

    My grandmother died...
    I´ve lost the LOVE OF MY LIFE after a seven year relationship... She ended it and she was right to do so...
    I´ve become a crack user and can´t get out of it...
    My Mother has cancer... And she loves me more than anything...
    I owe money to a lot of people, I´m out control and I lie and lie to people and to myself about it...
    I´ve become an awful person and this isn´t me, my family didn´t raise me like this...
    I don´t know what to do, I´m to ashamed to admit the truth and even if I had the courage to do so, I couldn`t let my mother know about it, it would kill her... She knows about the crack problem, but she has no clue about the amount of money I owe and I don´t want to be here when she finds out, I love her and I´ve disappointed her enough... I´m afraid for her... I need to end this, I don´t want to die, but I see no rescue, no possible solution...
    I still love her, that´s what hurts the most, I started the crack after the breakup, it makes me forget, it makes things... o.k, not awesome... just o.k... but it´s out of control... I´ve started seeing a doctor about this and started the process to go away for an institution to solve the drug problem, but it took to long (the process) and I´ve gone out of control... I´m ashamed, in love, and disappointed with myself...
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    In one breath you say you love your mom and have disappointed her enough, and then you suggest doing something that would devastate her forever. There is a solution to your problems, but you will have to take the steps to resolve them. Creditors can be held off or ignored, there really isn't much they can do to you. They can threaten to sue, but if you don't have anything they would not waste the costs to do that. Check in with a hospital or drug rehab program for the crack (you don't have to have money to do that - though I don't know where you live so I could be wrong if you're in some country I don't understand; i.e., outside of the USA). It's going to take a lot of effort and fighting on your part, but when you have resolved all this you will feel much better and your mother will be very proud. Give her that to be proud of - and you CAN do it. Anyone can do anything they set their mind to... though it may take some even harder times, a lot of work, embarrassment perhaps, and humbling. You have a reason to live and a reason to fight. You have already made the reason clear.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother Ivo and also the loss of your relationship
    I can hear you have a lot of sadness to deal with and you sound overwhelmed

    first I recommend you tell your mother the truth about your debts..perhaps she can help and i'm sure she'd want you to be honest with her
    I read you don't want to die and you also don't want to hurt your Mum

    If you take your life you will without a doubt kill her anyway
    maybe her body won't die straight away, but her heart and soul will from the day you leave
    she will be doomed to live a hell on earth
    i lost my son this way and I can tell you this is not living...just a dark existence

    your problems are all solvable....suicide is's forever

    tackle that drug problem asap and then you will feel more up to working on the other issues
    don't give up ok
    I understand it won't be easy but it will be worth it *hug*
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Both replys had great insight.Being able to see your prob also is a great thing not drug thing but been there with money i had gambling prob its fixable and as said little strength on your part too.People always here too so use forum as advice as every understands everyone.Take care
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