I don't know why just feeling so down and getting mad at myself I have no right to be this way i have got help for everyone now my twin and daughter are starting to get better. Just my one brother still needs help Just can't kick this feeling why why am i feeling this way I am not relieved i am more anxious scared then i ever was. I am lost and in too much pain. I wish i understood I just want to be me again the one noone could hurt the one that didn't give a dam abt what others thought. I want me back to being the one who didn't need anyone or anything who could stand up on her own and face anyone or anything. I want to be able to get angry and tell who hurt me to go straight to hell but i don't have that anymore. I have no backbone no fight left. I was always the one who took care of everyone now i still am but i can't seem to take care of me Where the hell did i go where am i just this weak snivelling stupid crying idiot who at least knows when to hold it together and when to fall apart. I know i don't make sense but then ive been told that before. I just want a way out of this hole I wish i could just beat the living daylight out of the people who hurt me then and now I want me back dam it i want the person who wouldn't take shit from no one not this weak vulnerable nothing i am now. I have no right to be sad yet find i am just that so dam sad and angry i let myself be this way.