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#4
Hi @sadhart. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

Sometimes, when we are feeling depressed, I think we can forget how important we are to so many people and how many people we have impacted over the years. You matter.

Do you want to share what is making you feel so bad?

Stay safe. I hope you can feel a bit better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

snowraven

Well-Known Member
#5
I'm sorry but im hurting and i feel overwhelmed and it doesnt matter because i don't matter
Hi sadheart. You do matter. Everybody does and your pain matters too. I've always found relief from talking to people here. The old adage that a trouble shared is a trouble halved has proved true to me so many times. Hope you find the help you deserve. Best wishes
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#6
Hi @sadhart. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

Sometimes, when we are feeling depressed, I think we can forget how important we are to so many people and how many people we have impacted over the years. You matter.

Do you want to share what is making you feel so bad?

Stay safe. I hope you can feel a bit better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
I ended up working friday both my regular first shift, then later on third shift. I actually am kind of glad that I worked both shifts if nothing else for the experience since my whole two years of working this job has been only on first. But that was the only decent thing about Saturday. I had some frustrations with my mother. It's hard to get into but her lack of self awareness is aggravating, especially when i make efforts to be accountable as best as possible.

When I got to my apartment after work, I couldn't relax right away and later, i realized that the light fixture in my second room was now hanging by the wires. I had gotten a text from one of the people overseeing my lease renewal that the self inspection pictures i had taken a month ago weren't good enough. It was frustrating because i assumed they were since i heard nothing from her right away and I'm also not an inspector and had no idea what the hell to specifically take photos of especially since she never said. Because of dumbass covid, things like an inspector or maintenance won't come by to take pictures or fix things. I am trying to be understanding but it's kind of ridiculous.

I was determined yesterday to do one decent thing for myself, and so I walked to the nearby game store in my area. It wasn't too bad but it didn't really help and I was in a pretty bad mood. Part of which was because of a couple of unpleasant news stories that triggered some painful stuff which in turn made me feel angry at myself and God as weird as that may sound. The other reason i am feeling bad is because three years ago around this time I had relapsed and ended up in a hellhole hospital for 18 days. The people there were not very compassionate and I left there feeling even worse. Even though i'm now 2 years and seven months sober, I still feel hopeless and worthless in some ways.

Right now, i'm trying to relax but I still feel pretty down. I'm sorry if I didn't explain this well and I know my problems aren't as bad as some on here, but this is really been an overwhelming few months for me.
 

Sad Elf

Well-Known Member
#7
Hi,

Sounds like you have a lot going on and that you are judging yourself rather harshly. Your landlord should have specified what you needed to take pictures of and should have got back to you in a couple of days of what you sent wasn't what they needed.

At least you went to the game store, I am sure on some level it would have helped, if nothing else it shows you are trying and trying to do things that are good for you.

Take care
Elf
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
ADMIN
#8
Hi @sadhart - I’m sorry you feel so low. I think you are wonderful! Two years and seven months sober? That’s a huge accomplishment!!

Life can have some really challenging times, as I’m sure you know. You are doing all you can to keep moving forward. I think that is great! Yes, things can trigger memories of bad times - absolutely. Perhaps you could regroup with a deep breath and acknowledge it was a bad time, and you are in better part of life now.

Problems are not a contest in which we measure if we have it better or worse than others. When we are hurting, it’s good to acknowledge it. You seem to doing all the right things - trying to do something decent for yourself is a biggie. And blam, you got more stressors instead of the relaxation you were seeking. That’s just unfair! I find that if I experience a lot of little (or big) sressors in close succession, I feel worn down. That’s a good time for me to be especially self-forgiving and kind to myself.

The landlord is not being especially helpful; it is not your fault. Some people and some organizations love to use red tape and procedures to stall on doing what they need to do. So frustrating when they do that! I expect that you will get it sorted even if the landlord is being difficult.

In these strained times, having the occasional day with some triggers and feeling overwhelmed is understandable. Please be good to yourself. You deserve it. :)
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
I'm sorry but im hurting and i feel overwhelmed and it doesnt matter because i don't matter
you do matter we all do. i'm sorry that you are overwhelmed and hurting. use us for comfort and guidance. this won't last forever just try to hold on. if you want to talk feel free to use my inbox. i hope you feel better soon...mike...*hug*sadhug*console*shake
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#10
I ended up working friday both my regular first shift, then later on third shift. I actually am kind of glad that I worked both shifts if nothing else for the experience since my whole two years of working this job has been only on first. But that was the only decent thing about Saturday. I had some frustrations with my mother. It's hard to get into but her lack of self awareness is aggravating, especially when i make efforts to be accountable as best as possible.

When I got to my apartment after work, I couldn't relax right away and later, i realized that the light fixture in my second room was now hanging by the wires. I had gotten a text from one of the people overseeing my lease renewal that the self inspection pictures i had taken a month ago weren't good enough. It was frustrating because i assumed they were since i heard nothing from her right away and I'm also not an inspector and had no idea what the hell to specifically take photos of especially since she never said. Because of dumbass covid, things like an inspector or maintenance won't come by to take pictures or fix things. I am trying to be understanding but it's kind of ridiculous.

I was determined yesterday to do one decent thing for myself, and so I walked to the nearby game store in my area. It wasn't too bad but it didn't really help and I was in a pretty bad mood. Part of which was because of a couple of unpleasant news stories that triggered some painful stuff which in turn made me feel angry at myself and God as weird as that may sound. The other reason i am feeling bad is because three years ago around this time I had relapsed and ended up in a hellhole hospital for 18 days. The people there were not very compassionate and I left there feeling even worse. Even though i'm now 2 years and seven months sober, I still feel hopeless and worthless in some ways.

Right now, i'm trying to relax but I still feel pretty down. I'm sorry if I didn't explain this well and I know my problems aren't as bad as some on here, but this is really been an overwhelming few months for me.
you should be very proud of yourself for being clean ang sober this long. ask them exactly what they want and try not to worry. i hope you feel better soon...mike...*hug*shake
 
#11
Right now, i'm trying to relax but I still feel pretty down. I'm sorry if I didn't explain this well and I know my problems aren't as bad as some on here, but this is really been an overwhelming few months for me.
Hey Sadhart,
I also have the same thought, “after reading through some posts I think there are others in a worse space than I am”. But in reality if what ever is bothering us obviously is “significant” or why would we be on this site? I can’t see that on my own but reading it is like “damn-it what ever brought us here is significant to us and the pain we feel is real”.

i do not get the feeling that anybody on here thinks “what are they complaining about”. It is an awesome spot to vent and rant and not feel as alone. Also I thank you for saying that because it made me realize this with myself.

Congrats on being clean and sober for that long, it shows to me that you are VERY STRONG to be struggling like you are and still keeping clean is awesome!!!!

Sorry I ramble, please keep strong and stay safe.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#14
Actually it was a HUGE mistake to think even this slightly optimistic. I am fucking done with this bullshit world. I'm sorry but I am tired of doing my goddamn best for it to be thrown in my face time and time again.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#15
Actually it was a HUGE mistake to think even this slightly optimistic. I am fucking done with this bullshit world. I'm sorry but I am tired of doing my goddamn best for it to be thrown in my face time and time again.
who is throwing it in your face? do your best and if people don't like it screw them. keep fighting for yourself not others...mike...*hug*shake
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#16
who is throwing it in your face? do your best and if people don't like it screw them. keep fighting for yourself not others...mike...*hug*shake
It's not someone in particular. In recovery they always talk about living life on life's terms and it is frustrating to keep doing even if that is what i'm supposed to do. sorry if that didn't make sense.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#17
that does make sense, and is partially true. you have to live life no matter what it throws at you. but we can't just accept everything and be ok with it. what i do and is probably the best anyone can do is accept what life throws at you and fight as hard as you can to get better. i hope you can keep fighting and have things improve by your standards and time...mike...*hug*shake
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#18
that does make sense, and is partially true. you have to live life no matter what it throws at you. but we can't just accept everything and be ok with it. what i do and is probably the best anyone can do is accept what life throws at you and fight as hard as you can to get better. i hope you can keep fighting and have things improve by your standards and time...mike...*hug*shake

Sorry for the late response. What you are saying I want to keep doing. The pain comes in waves and at times is so overwhelming that moving forward feels meaningless.
 

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