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sadhart

SF Supporter
#1
I'm sorry for posting once again but it has not been a good day. I made a mistake when I decided to keep moving forward into the new year. I try to remind myself of the encouragement I have gotten from others here but I am also constantly reminded how worthless I am throughout other parts of my life. I'm tired of hurting so much and more so in vain.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
i'm sorry that you had such a bad day @sadhart . you said you made a mistake. well we all make mistakes it's called being human. and you can post here anytime, good or bad we are listening and we do care about you. and feel free to use my inbox to talk or vent anytime. i hope things improve for you soon.

mike...*hug*shake
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#7
i'm sorry that you had such a bad day @sadhart . you said you made a mistake. well we all make mistakes it's called being human. and you can post here anytime, good or bad we are listening and we do care about you. and feel free to use my inbox to talk or vent anytime. i hope things improve for you soon.

mike...*hug*shake
The mistake was trying to give myself a chance to keep going on. I barely got through the workday yesterday.

I'm not sure if this will make sense but years ago i felt like ending my life and this person told me that they enjoy myself in hell. I think they thought I was saying that so they wouldn't hurt me, but no....I said it because I wanted the hurt to stop. It's like you tell someone something like that and they either don't care or they call the police and you end up getting locked up in some hellhole hospital like you're a criminal. The thing is, I do feel like a bad person though. Someone else recently hurt me in ways that they wouldn't want to be hurt. But I feel like a bad ad manipulative person because not only do I feel like giving up, but a part of me hates that person for what they did. And I feel guilt for feeling that way.

I'm sorry for not making sense. I am not looking forward to today at all.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#8
Good luck getting through the workday. Maybe that can serve as some sort of distraction from this. Don't let someone else be the reason you decide to end your life. No matter who they are. As you said, or say... you, "Just want the pain to go away~." I think almost all of us can relate -(to this feeling). . .
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
hope your day is better today. i'm sorry someone hurt you but you are the better person. and i understand the fear of unwanted hospitalization that's why i'm not completely honest all the time. but here you can talk freely, with the exception of a few rules to protect others you can talk freely. don't try to fight this alone let us help you through this rough patch.

mike...*console*sadhug*shake
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#10
hope your day is better today. i'm sorry someone hurt you but you are the better person. and i understand the fear of unwanted hospitalization that's why i'm not completely honest all the time. but here you can talk freely, with the exception of a few rules to protect others you can talk freely. don't try to fight this alone let us help you through this rough patch.


mike...*console*sadhug*shake
I'm hurting pretty bad I'm sorry to say. What hurts is the conflicted feelings I have. As I said before I want so bad to hate this person but just thinking about doing so hurts. And why? Didn't give a damn about my feelings.

Right now I'm trying to stay focused on work and getting through the day. I feel so tired physically and emotionally. Sorry for sounding melodramatic.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#12
I think it's ok to be angry at people sometimes. Some anger is useless and is better off discarded if possible, but some anger may be necessary, and it's better not to repress it. I don't think you need to feel guilty about this.
I'm grateful for all you have done, but I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough to keep doing this. It's just constant heartache and pain and resentment. I have been sober for nearly three years and the "happy, joyous and free" they often mention in recovery is not something I can ever have. I don't want to keep going on anymore because the hurt never stops.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#16
I'm sorry for posting once again but it has not been a good day. I made a mistake when I decided to keep moving forward into the new year. I try to remind myself of the encouragement I have gotten from others here but I am also constantly reminded how worthless I am throughout other parts of my life. I'm tired of hurting so much and more so in vain.
Is it people that are reminding you? Circumstances can be difficult too.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#20
I'm grateful for all you have done, but I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough to keep doing this. It's just constant heartache and pain and resentment. I have been sober for nearly three years and the "happy, joyous and free" they often mention in recovery is not something I can ever have. I don't want to keep going on anymore because the hurt never stops.
"The strongest among us are the ones whose courage let them speak about their own troubles and struggles. You can see the weak hide, but the strong often speaks." - Me, I guess

"Happy, joyous and free" sounded like someone was trying to sell you something or cheer you up. Regardless, I cannot really give you anything to inspire you to keep going. What can I do? I don't want to keep going on, either. All I know is that you have been putting a lot of efforts to live through another workday and another toxic person. That is a something worth celebrating and remembering.

Giving yourself another chance is not a mistake. It's like taking a deep breath before diving into the deepest point of the Mariana Trench. Everyone knows it's hard and painful so there is no need to feel sorry for not being able to complete it.

We can talk to you as much as you need but I think you need professional help.
 

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