No subject

sadhart

SF Supporter
#1
Today is my first day back at work since having more than a week off for the holidays. I don't really make resolutions, but I want to try working on improving my mindset. And yet, I'm already dreading this week and pretty much the rest of the year.

Anytime during my time off I tried to do this for myself, I found it hard to do so. Anything from going to the movies to buying something I wanted was met with feelings of inadequacy or not being as fulfilling as I had hoped. I constantly feel like anything I'm doing to better myself will be in vain.

I'm sorry as I know I have said these things before. But maybe it's cause it just never gets better.
 

FlamingoWrangler

🦩🦩🦩🦩
#2
Hi @sadhart

I get where you are coming from. I feel similarly.

As I read your post, what came to mind was- calendar phone alerts. I kind of like the idea. I imagine you can find places that send text messages daily.

My first thought-
reminders to check local websites for free community activities.
make a list of ideas/things to do- set alert to look at it.
Word of the day. something to engage in.
quote of the day/pleasant/uplifting/funny quotes

send yourself a message twice daily. Distractions from my negative rumination may help Me. I guess it’s really using the phone to remind you to make a habit of pleasantries.
what do you think? Ever tried anything like that?
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#4
Hi @sadhart

I get where you are coming from. I feel similarly.

As I read your post, what came to mind was- calendar phone alerts. I kind of like the idea. I imagine you can find places that send text messages daily.

My first thought-
reminders to check local websites for free community activities.
make a list of ideas/things to do- set alert to look at it.
Word of the day. something to engage in.
quote of the day/pleasant/uplifting/funny quotes

send yourself a message twice daily. Distractions from my negative rumination may help Me. I guess it’s really using the phone to remind you to make a habit of pleasantries.
what do you think? Ever tried anything like that?

I know there are things to do in my area but they are often met with two obstacles: conflict of schedule and more often than not, it's an event where alcohol is involved more than I care to deal with.

Yes, I suppose I need to work on starting the day with a positive outlook. That is difficult to do though as it almost seems like my first thoughts tend to be about something negative that has happened.
 

FlamingoWrangler

🦩🦩🦩🦩
#5
I know what you mean about the negative thoughts, hopelessness. It becomes exhausting to try, again.

That’s too bad about the local activities. I found a group that just walks/hikes on local area trails. It sounded doable to me. But I can’t remember the platform I found it on. 😔 You might try your library. Ours does some interesting stuff.

I hope you laugh today. 😃🤞🏽
 
#7
it is stupid of me to have said that because it's useless trying
I don't think that's true at all. The first step in achieving anything is establishing a goal. How to achieve it is something that can take time to figure out.

If you want suggestions about how you might achieve that, I could try to make some. It's also ok if you don't want suggestions.

I hope things can get better Sadhart.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#8
I don't think that's true at all. The first step in achieving anything is establishing a goal. How to achieve it is something that can take time to figure out.

If you want suggestions about how you might achieve that, I could try to make some. It's also ok if you don't want suggestions.

I hope things can get better Sadhart.

Today was a very terrible day. It has been a terrible week. I don't want to keep going on anymore. I feel very hopeless and worthless. I'm tired of trying to hang on. For what? There is nothing meaningful for me to look forward to.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#12
@sadhart How are you doing. Hoping a bit better than last week.

*console
Sorry for the late reply. I just had a disastrous session with my therapist. Not only did I basically waste her time, but I forgot to update my payment information, which meant my previous card declined. It was embarrassing both with that and just having a hard time explaining how I feel as of late. I really hate how awkward and inadequate I am. Sorry for being so negative.
 

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
#14
Sorry for the late reply. I just had a disastrous session with my therapist. Not only did I basically waste her time, but I forgot to update my payment information, which meant my previous card declined. It was embarrassing both with that and just having a hard time explaining how I feel as of late. I really hate how awkward and inadequate I am. Sorry for being so negative.
no worries, I am in a similar or worse place
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#15
I'm sorry that things went badly.

She's getting paid to be your therapist, so I don't think it's a waste on her end. The main issue is that you're not getting the value out of therapy that you'd like to.

That's ok.

How do you feel about therapy and this therapist in general?
I feel frustrated at therapy sometimes, but not so much at the therapist. I'm angry at myself for not being more objective. I just felt so lost. I don't know if I was just tired as I just got in from work, but either way I just failed, even if it didn't matter to her. I have tried to write down stuff I want to talk about in advance and it was a hit or miss. But I need to try that again because I don't want to feel so lost like that again.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#18
I don't think you necessarily have to be objective in therapy. The main thing is that therapy actually helps you feel better, and in principle objectivity doesn't have to be a part of that.
Sometimes, I wonder if I can even be helped. The last therapist dropped me because we were "stuck" and it will probably be a matter of time before this one does the same because I feel very lost and very discouraged about life. I don't see things getting better for me.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#20
Can you even imagine a scenario where life gets better for you?
No, I really can't. It's just always being reminded in one way or another past hurts. You want to know what's messed up? I felt kind of good last weekend and do you know why? Because i got past a difficult part in a video game that I had trouble with several months ago. A video game. Not from being loved or finding closure from some old hurt. But a dumbass video game. d even then that didn't last long.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$175.00
Goal
$255.00
Top