No thanks

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by manuelbrown, Sep 10, 2011.

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  1. manuelbrown

    manuelbrown New Member


    Its been over a year since I feel that I've been broken. I've had breathing problems for over a year and 3 months now and It doesn't seem to be getting better. I don't know how much longer I can go pretending to be alright at work and with my friends. I've stopped hanging out with nearly all of my closest friends. I feel like detaching myself from all of them in case I do anything stupid in the future.


    Living in a constant struggle is the worst. My breathing is frustrating me from having any type of enjoyment and it is all that I can dwell on. I just want to be able to breath normally.... I've taken the little things for granted and its unfair because now that I appreciate some of the little things it feels too late.

    I feel ready to give up.

    I've been listening to beyonce's new song "rather die young" and it makes me feel at peace with the decisions i seem to be leaning towards.

    This is my first post and I don't know what i expect out of writing in these forums. But I do know that I'm at a breaking point with a few escape routes. Feedback would be lovely. I'm in no way in a hurry to quit, its just feels like my body is ready to quit for me.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Good luck, Manuel! I hope your breathing problems start improving soon. :hug:
  3. manuelbrown

    manuelbrown New Member

  4. spailpin

    spailpin Active Member

    are you under a doctor's care for your respiratory issues? I know that can be very scary and frustrating. . .what kind of problems do yo have with breathing? . .
  5. manuelbrown

    manuelbrown New Member

    I've been under care the entire year. I'm not sure exactly what happened... it could be one of two things... I either got drunk one night and got head butt in my nose... and since then had problems breathing through my nose or I did certain drugs which i inhaled not even through my nose only a few times but had very negative effects. Either way both are my fault. I think I abused my body either way.... I'm not sure exactly whats wrong but its stuffy about 90 percent of the day unless i'm laying down.

    I mixed am array of combinations of drugs from alcohol with pot... and ecstasy and crystal meth... and diet pills all interchangeably... so I've damaged my body and i'm not sure there's any fixing it.

    my skin is a completely different shade of color now... a pale / yellow green look to it... and I dunno I don't know whats wrong with my body...

    I've had these episodes where Its either a heart attack or some type of panic attack or breathing attack. My blood pressure rises.... my palms get sweaty... I get real dizzy.... and it feels like my breathing becomes very labored and this weird mucus feeling comes up my throat... I'm calling them heart attacks but I've yet to that checked out because no DR can find anything wrong with me.... I'm at a point where I'm going to let one of these attacks win and just go with it. I don't know what to do.
  6. manuelbrown

    manuelbrown New Member

    I've Isolated myself from all my closest friends except one friend. Those among being isolated include my best friend who I coincidentally fell in love with... which doesn't make anything easier.

    I've tried explaining what I've done to my body and how I think I'm broke and he only tells me its all in my head and to continue to just go out and celebrate life without me. IT used to be us to celebrating now its just him. This doesn't help my situation. I've been left with nothing.
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