I shouldn't drink. :laugh: It just makes everything that much more real. Everytime I close my eyes, I see him. Seeing him makes it real again. Makes me feel it. Hear it. See it. I don't want to remember it. :sad: I don't want to remember anything. I drink to forget, apparently I haven't had enough tonight to forget antyhing. It just made everything that much ore vivid. Made me want to self destruct that much more. And self destruct I will, because clearly, that's all I can do anyway. I should have gone to the ER yesterday, or the day before, or whnever the hell it was, but I didn't, because I'm an idiot. I just have so much I want to say, and I can't say any of it, and I don't know why. I don't know why I can't do anything right, or say the right thing, or whatever. I just don't konw.