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I don't even know why I want to kill myself. I'm perfectly calm at the moment. There's hardly anything wrong with my life. I have an excellent family and amazing friends. I practice karate and have a brown belt. True, I have a mental disorder which has made studying and going to school impossible, it has made me a burden to others and a pain in the a*$, but apart from that everything is alright! I have no right to be suicidal! But here I am, struggling with the suicidal thoughts for the millionth time and fighting the temptations in spite of knowing deep down that they will result in yet another attempt! I just don't know whether I will succeed this time.


Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Hiya. Feeling depressed and/or suicidal isn't really a choice, so you have as much "right" to the feelings as anyone.

The thing is, we don't have to act on those feelings...Not saying it's easy to hold on and ride them out, but it's an option.

I really hope that you don't act on your thoughts/feelings this time. Perhaps it would help if you talked about what has led you to these feelings this time.

Also, if you have a doctor/therapist, maybe it's time for an check in because you're sliding into a really bad spot.

Thinking of you. :hug:


Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
Hey Warrioress,
What has triggered you?? Have you ever sat down and wrote it out?? Maybe keeping a journalof the bad thoughts you could go to it and figure out what is going on..Brown Belt, Thats impressive..Maybe you can talk to your karate teacher..He might be able to teach you excercises to help clear your mind..I hope all goes well for you...


Active Member
Thanks for replying Acy and Stranger1

I don't exactly like to act on the thoughts either, but I'm not sure how long I'll be able to resist. The worst part is that it's not an impulse. Like I said, I'm perfectly calm, but my mind is working in a twisted way, plotting to kill me and thinking of available methods.

I don't remember what triggered me and I don't want to upset or worry my karate teacher by talking to her about suicide.


Well-Known Member
It could be that your under alot of stress with school and whatever you have going on. thoughts of suicide always brings a peaceful feeling becuase we see it as a way to escape our hurts.

The thoughts are all lies, listen to what its actually telling you, do you believe it? Are you letting yourself be brainwashed into it? I hope that you dig down deep and find the strength to fight for you.

Is this the first time youve felt this way or does it come from the past? Have you ever seeked help for it? Can you talk to a counselor at school and see if there is any resources you can use?

Here if you ever want to talk, Hugs.


Well-Known Member
agreed- depression isnt a choice, it just happens and needs treating just like any other illness. once you accept the illness thats the first major step.
well done,
good luck and welcome.
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