I don't even know why I want to kill myself. I'm perfectly calm at the moment. There's hardly anything wrong with my life. I have an excellent family and amazing friends. I practice karate and have a brown belt. True, I have a mental disorder which has made studying and going to school impossible, it has made me a burden to others and a pain in the a*$, but apart from that everything is alright! I have no right to be suicidal! But here I am, struggling with the suicidal thoughts for the millionth time and fighting the temptations in spite of knowing deep down that they will result in yet another attempt! I just don't know whether I will succeed this time.