no value

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sejj, Jun 17, 2014.

  1. sejj

    sejj New Member

    I'm a graduate of some low class law school. I set out to make up for my poor academics during primary and secondary school, hoping to be a successful and wealthy lawyer like my father.

    turns out I was too stupid for the top law school in my country. I was admitted, but could not keep up with my brighter classmates. Ended up transferring to some deadbeat school. "Ok, then", I tell myself, "I'll work harder so i can be top in THIS school, at least". Didn't work out either. i simply cannot read and remember things as quickly and as well as everyone else, no matter how hard I try.

    i would've been fine if the only reason for my failures was due to lack of effort. but it clearlyw asn't, because my classmates both in my previous school and the one i graduated from were ableto spend time for themselves and with their families and STILL get good grades. me, i sacrificed eveything from my health to my time with my family and could barely pass.

    I get how people say, "maybe you will see your value as a human being elsewhere", as a way to feel better
    about it. but honestly i can never forgive myself because no matter what i do, i can never change the fact that i'm not as good as the top grads in my country. i will never forgive myself.

    why have i not attempted suicide? because there are people who will be affected... my family.. and my gf.. so i tell myself, "continue living miserably, for the sake of those around you". but it's very taxing. sometimes i wanna be selfish and just off myself because the misery is just too much to handle.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Sejj,

    Welcome to the forum. Please do NOT do anything but speak to someone about feelings. You are young and life is not all about education. You have tried your hardest in your studies and that's what counts. Yes, you have not met your parents expectations but they do still love you. Peer pressure is hard to deal with other kids but that's what life is about. Life is about living, having good social interaction and being kind.

    You need to channel you thoughts into something you are good at and see if there is a career in it. It's only a thought or do something rewarding like helping the homeless. Do something that will give you in time of your crisis. You having something to live for such as your girlfriend who must really care co you. Speak to your parents if that's possible to discuss the situation. If not, then please keep posting here.

    Your are important to me as life is about living and being happy. You are young but do not feel that your are alone in the world at all. Do not feel alone just keep posting here for support.
  3. sejj

    sejj New Member

    hi, im 27. pretty old in my book..

    my issue isn't really my parents' expectations. it's just that I've been a loser all throughout my life, so I hoped that maybe something good will happen to me in return for my horrible early years? I thought, ok so I'm not strong or cool... maybe. i'm intelligent? so I went into law school... turns out I'm not that either.

    it's why my thread is titled 'no value'. I waited so many years of my life for some sign that. i have value as a human being... that I can be someone people can look up to and respect. but no matter where I turn to, i always fail.

    people tell me to always stay positive. but that doesn't really solve the problem.. that'll never make my failures go away, or suddenly make me a genius. In the end the fact remains that i'll never be as successful or as intelligent as those guys in the top schools.

    i apologize if i sound whiny (I've been told that by someone before). but thank you for the reply.