no way out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by andintheend, Jun 7, 2014.

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  1. andintheend

    andintheend New Member

    i need help but there's nothing anyone can do
    i had an affair with my boss while i was on work experience, he used me and bullied me while telling me he loved me.
    he controlled me and manipulated me, ignored me while still telling me he loved me
    he told me he'd never had an affair before but i found out he had
    i got very ill and attempted suicide, but didn't tell anyone the reason because i was ashamed
    the bullying kept going at work after we'd ended it, i told the top bosses about the bullying but because i had a history of mental illness they ignored it
    he lied his way out of it by saying nasty things about me to my colleagues, now i have lost a lot of important friends
    i left work and they put another young girl in my place straight away
    now he is grooming her the same way he groomed me, lying to her, manipulating her
    i want to stop him, i want everyone to know how evil he is and i want to warn other girls about him
    but then everyone would know about the affair, and that i haven't told the whole truth about it for the last year, i still work for the same company in a different building and i would lose my job
    the only thing i can think of is to write everything that happened in an email, send it to the management and his wife and his friends and the media, as he is well known in the community, then kill myself
    its the only way i can stop him from ruining other peoples lives. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself but i can't cope with the memories of someone i loved treating me like that, and i can't cope with him doing it to other people
  2. jpgf

    jpgf Member

    I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm not usually one to give advice. Love is supposed to be forever, not a fleeting feeling. He is using the word as a weapon to get what he wants. He is a horrible human being, and he is not worth taking your life. Don't give him that kind of power over you. If you have to quit, then quit. You can report through filing unemployment what he did to you. Tell them you were forced to quit because of it. He will be investigated, and you won't have to fear retribution. I hope this helps. I'm on the brink of suicide myself, so I understand to an extent what you are going through. I'm not going to pretend that I know you or exactly what you are feeling, but I'm here if you want to talk. Please stay safe.
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You can do something but that is your choice to make- otherwise nobody can or will do anything

    You are not the first person nor the last to have been "played". It is painful and I am sorry it happened to you but it happens a lot (to men and women), my point being do not beat yourself up over it , it was a mistake but one that is made by probably half the people in the world. The president of the US did it to an intern -so while it is regrettable it is not something to be ashamed of as the lowest of the lows anything to hide in shame from :hug:

    Unfortunately cheating and lying go hand in hand- it is a statement to his poor character , not yours.

    If he is using his position of authority to take advantage you should do just that - but in a way that makes clear it is the position of authority that is the issue- aside from that it is just 2 consenting adults, one of which has low character

    If your company has a policy letter regarding relationships between coworkers and superiors/subordinates read it carefully to see if it is a cautionary letter or if it lists it as an offence with consequences. If it does nto have a written policy and they fire you be happy about the lawsuit you will win.

    I would suggest real mail sent by registered mail to the human resources office of your company - if it is a large company that to the corporate HQ's HR branch. Sending anything at all to his wife and friends is just spiteful and will make you look unbalanced. The word will get around fast enough without you sending it to them and you will not come off looking like the jilted lover. You need to take the high road if you want to be listened to instead of talked about. Your suicide would serve no purpose except to make it clear to everybody that hears about it that you are a "mentally unbalanced nut job" (and make everybody feel sorry for him) so that is really the worst possible way for you to make a point and accomplish your aim of protecting other women that work for him from being taken advantage of (aside from the fact you do not deserve to die for a mistake that half the people in the world make- an affair - which is all it was from your end- you did not treat people wrong and use your position to take advantage as well).

    Report it to human resources or lacking that to the labor board in your state (or both) and you do not need to think about him doing that to other people. So far as how he treated you and having loved him, I might point out you loved who you thought he was - you loved the fake act he portrayed and you would never love somebody that you knew was like that. It is not your fault he was a good actor so you never loved somebody that treated you like that. You loved an act- an act by a slick smooth talking player and never did nor would you love a person that did those things. Stop holding yourself responsible for being fooled. Add it to your experience to keep in mind in the future and to share that wisdom with others, friends or possibly a daughter 20 years from now so that experience does not go to waste and instead can hopefully make it harder for guys like him to find victims in the future.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2014
  4. andintheend

    andintheend New Member

    Thank you both for taking the time to reply. It means so much that people are here to offer help even to people they have never met before, and to put so much thought into it.
    I've been desperate for someone to talk to but can't speak out because I don't want to perpetuate the "crazy" label. Ben, your advice is really helpful, thank you. I think a formal written report to human resources with emphasis on the abuse of position is a good idea. It's really good to get some advice from someone on the outside whose brain isn't totally clouded by hate and anger and shame.
    Also I'm becoming more aware that there are a lot of horrible people that "play" people like this, that I'm not the first or last victim of something like this, and it is not a crime. I just have so much hate and anger because I always thought I was a good person who didn't deserve things like this.
    I know the best thing for me to do is to be happy and successful. It'd be the best revenge because he hates people that are more successful than him. But this whole thing has beaten me down so much that I just don't have the energy or motivation to do anything. All I want to do is curl up in bed and go to sleep forever.
    Thanks again. It makes such a difference to be able to talk openly and not be judged.

    - Jenna
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    That is fantastic advice Ben, and Jenna you will survive this hun - let the hate and anger become transformed into the fuel to aid your recovery. Time and distance will bring with them a new perspective, and the wisdom you will have gained will confirm your goodness :)
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