I'm an ra victim and my brain was split by an organization and I was born into slavery in the church. Little to say anymore than my entire dissociative system is suicidal and many parts and the whole system is programmed to die. Been fighting it since I was in jr high. I was thrown from the freedom train at 15. Love and compassion could have kept me alive, but there is nothing but abuse. I can escape. The suicidal child alters are completely neglected like they are not programmed to do this. All my efforts to fix this failed. Too much to write, nothing to say. I'm tired of fighting. The moment I stop fighting, I'm kicked away and something else takes over to end my life without thinking, violently. Trying to prevent it takes all my strength and I literally can't figt anymore. I know he had is coming soon. I'm scared to death. I don't want to die, but also no way to live. I hope someone understands trauma based mind control who can understand.