No way out...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Urgrimm, Jul 8, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Urgrimm

    Urgrimm Member

    In order to understand me , let me take you back in time about 7 months. It started all with my divorce , my wife had left me for my bext friend. I do know that i was not the best husband. I spend most of my time on the computer when i was not at work. Knowing that now i see that it was just a matter of time for my marriage to fail but at the time i did not see it. She had a son that i had raised for 6 years.
    The divorce was not nasty but i was hurt throughout. When it was over i thought everything would get better. I started dating and it failed horribly. I then started seeing someone but i am loosing interest for some weird reason. Then i think i got the answer why. A friend of mine mentioned that my ex-wife is doing ok and had lost weight. That just wrenched my heart. So here i am 7 months later still hurting . I am so tired of weak people that give up so easily . Whatever happened to Pride, Loyalty, Honor... whatever happened to vows being followed and cherished? I am afraid of going out of the house, afraid to meet new people. I do not feel healthy, nor do i feel like i got any hope left in me. I gave it a serious shot , i fought to get at least part of my life back. I lied to myself to make myself meet people. I tried and i failed. What out is there? what can i do to get back on track , what do i have to do to meet soemone that accepts me for who i am? I have lost hope ... there is nothing left... i am clueless and hurt still. For a time i was able to prevail. A friend of mine went through something similair and i helped him get through it. I do not know if he was able to fix his relationship but i do know that out of the blue , here i am yet again hating life.

    Hopeless...
     
  2. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    what can i do to get back on track , what do i have to do to meet soemone that accepts me for who i am? I have lost hope ... there is nothing left... i am clueless and hurt still. For a time i was able to prevail. A friend of mine went through something similair and i helped him get through it. I do not know if he was able to fix his relationship but i do know that out of the blue , here i am yet again hating life.


    I'm very sorry for the suffering you feel. I just said a prayer for you and hope you do too. One place that helped me meet new people,other than here on this site,was the 12 step community. You meet people who are trying to make their lives better who have been through things like we have. They are compassionate and caring and want to help and know that helping others helps them. SO they are very good people to be around. If you want to talk at meetings you can ,but you dont have to. You dont have to pay either unless you can or want to. When you do decide to talk people will get to know you in a unique way. They will get to see much of the real you. Then people will come and talk to you and you make new friends. You also get to see others in a unique way. You will make great friends who will like you for you. There are GREAT women ther too who are trying to make better lives for themselves, you may meet the right woman for you. Also you can usually go to meetings everyday if you want. A bulit in community. I went from work to home every night until I went there. Then after goin there a month ,I had so many friends and aquaintences that i was almost too busy and often didnt go home till I had to go to bed. Friends ,help and hope. THAT IS HERE TOO ON THIS SITE!!!!

    I'm sorry about your marriage. You seemed to handle the divorce well and you must be a very strong person. I pray that you will heal whatever pain is there.

    Whatever happened to Pride, Loyalty, Honor... whatever happened to vows being followed and cherished?
    Pride and loyalty and honor are alive and well in YOU. You seem like a great person and you embody those ideals and I admire you to no end for doing so. YOU WILL meet another person that has these qualities too and then you will have happpiness. YOU yourself are proof there ARE people like that.

    SO PLEASE reach out and try new solutions and WE will help you here. I WILL help you anyway I can. PLEASE feel free to write or PM. YOU have hope and good things will come. TRY new people and places and see what they bring. YOU will be happy you did, I promise. My prayers go out to you!!!!

    Marty
     
  3. Urgrimm

    Urgrimm Member

    Thank you Marty for the kind words. I actually had a pretty crazy thought that kinda stuck with me so far. I always wanted to serve in the military. My ex-wife never approved of it. Yet now i have the chance and may give that a shot. That however does not change my current situation. What is this 12 step program you speak of?
     
  4. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    12 step groups are like AA or NA or many,many other programs that cover a huge varitety of problems people have. Also they are for people whose family memebers have problems. There are great people in these groups who will reach out to you and you will make great friends and may meet a special woman. Many great women. SO maybe you should give it a try.
     
  5. Urgrimm

    Urgrimm Member

    i checked there is only substance abuse step groups in this community, maybe i should start completely new , move to a different town and all....
     
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Thats an idea or you can start a12 step group yourself. Call the ones in your area and ask how.
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Urgrimm. Is there any way that you and your ex-wife could get back together? I know that you mentioned that she left you for your best friend and that must really suck, but I think it's worth a shot getting back together.
     
  8. Urgrimm

    Urgrimm Member

    Dave , that would only work if she would want to talk to me. The last conversation we had was after the divorce was final and she started to blame me for everything that went wrong. I walked the high road throughout the whole divorce but at this day i blew up and told her everything i felt, what i thought of her and how she destroyed me in the process. We have not talked since and she has made no attempt to contact me. She also lives now in the house of my ex- best friend . you know how hard it is not to go postal on these two? So i do not know if i would be able to trust her again after something like this. My heart keeps telling me that one day she will come back and i would take her back. My mind tells me that im stupid for even considering it. If it does happen i guess it depends on who is going to win my inner war. The mind or the heart...
    I am just out of ideas...
     
  9. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    !

    Urgrimm,

    I am praying for you. You are a good person and very strong to have gone through all that. Forget the people whu hurt you to do anything would to let them hurt you again.Just live and try to put that energy in your own happiness.YOU will win the inner war!!!! Just stay here with is and we will offer you help,hope love and care!!!! You have been throug so much and I am sorry. But I really believe you will put your life together in an amazing way and this will all just a memory. PLEASE feel free to write me. I think you are a GREAT guy!!!!
     
  10. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Having read your posts it sounds like you are in a lot of pain, I actually understand wanting to start again and in some ways that is not a bad thing you know. But the grass is not always greener on the other side is it, I think you need to focus on you for the time being do what makes you happy, See what you need to do to stop this depression, talk to your doctors about it and find what interests you still and pursue that. I hope this makes sense, sorry if it does not.

    Take Care

    Rich
     
  11. Urgrimm

    Urgrimm Member

    Aparently i have a lot of people worried around me... they all tell me that my behavior has changed , that i am unusually silent and that worries some of the people around me. i mentioned to a friend that i am thinking a lot about suicide lately ... he got angry with me, he said he understood where i was coming from but he told me to get a grip on my self... another friend told me that there is someone out there for me but how the hell am i supposed to trust again? i am so confused...
     
  12. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    It doesnt all have to make sense right away. You might be a little confused ,but let it all sit and then it will make sense. If people are worried about you that shows that they care. Also you may want to go to a professional and get help or a hospital if they can see it that much. There is nothing wrong with that just get help. We love you here and will help all we can. I am praying for you. Things can and will get better. WE will all help as much as we can. Tell us why you feel confused. We will help. YOU seem like a GREAT person to me . PLEASE tell us everything thats botheriong you and lets start planning a way make you happy.

    Write me if you like,

    Marty
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.