NO where left to go.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by beforetheworst, Aug 15, 2009.

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  1. beforetheworst

    beforetheworst Active Member

    I really can't take this any more.

    Right now I'm stuck in an incredibly difficult space which I don't know how to get out of. I have no where else to run

    This all is too much for me. I've been trying to deal with my friend who is suicidal and overdosed a few days ago and I had to take her to hospital. I feel responsible for her. She tried to go to the hospital tonight but they sent her home!! She said she was going to overdose. I told her I'd come around, but I didn't. I couldn't cope with it. Now I'm worried she'll overdose again.

    I'm not coping at the moment, let alone having to cope with her things as well. I've been trying to get onto my counsellor for the last two days and I have to wait until Tuesday now. THat was kind of the last straw. I was holding off doing anything until I spoke to her and I thought that would've been tonight. I cannot wait until tuesday.

    I cannot go to the hospital because they'll send me home like my friend. I don't want to kill myself because it will kill my family, I am trying to do it in a way that may not look like suicide. Or I am about to write a long letter to them trying to explain some things. If they could just understand that this is something I'm doing for myself and no one else. It's something I never do.

    I'm sorry.
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    I'm sure you can wait until at least Tuesday, and then everytime, you could try and wait for your next appointment. That way, it's a small wait everytime, and it will get alot easier to cope. No one blames you for not being able to cope with your friends life as well as your own, you're only human afterall. It's time to take a step back and let someone else help them, and focus on yourself, otherwise you really will push yourself over the edge. If you don't have their problems to worry about, half the load will be taken off. See if someone else can help them out, and take some time out for yourself. We're all here to help you through.
  3. beforetheworst

    beforetheworst Active Member

    That's all I've been doing for so long thought. Just scrapping by appointment to appointment. I just can't keep going.

    MY friend already has *a lot* of support but it doesn't change the guilt I feel over it. All I ever do i care for other people because while I'm caring for others I can forget about myself.

    I've already drunk half a bottle of port which is disuisting I feel sick from just drinking it! I have a lot of tablets that I am considering taking because at the least I'll sleep for a few days, maybe even until tuesday.

    Anyway, thanks for your reply. :)
  4. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    You are in no way responsible for your friends problems, you really need to try and understand that if you don't already. It's really okay to care, there is nothing wrong with that, but when it starts to bring you down, that's when you need to let go just a little. Still care, just not enough to let it make you feel guilty. If you can try and do that, then that will be one of your own problems solved, then you can work through each problem just one at a time. Don't look at it as a whole bunch of things, look at it as one thing at a time, and then remember that at the end, the reward of happiness will really be worth it.
    You don't need to thank me for replying, just trying to help the best I can =]
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you talk to somone on the crisis line. Sometimes just hearing a voice helps to take away some anxiety. I know you are using the alcohol to help you cope but this is only causing you to be more depressed and confused. Please try to lay off the alcohol and talk to someone. Talk to your minister priest councillor teacher anyone okay. You can't take care of your friend. You can only take care of you right now that way you will get stronger and when you are stable youwill be able to help your friend more. Call crisis line and talk to them they will help you and if you are atthe point you feel you are going to harm yourself call 911 and get the help you deserve. Take care okay keep coming here for support too.
  6. beforetheworst

    beforetheworst Active Member

    Thanks for your messages.

    so i was amazingly able to get onot my counsellor tonight. That was a major relief. Just hearing her voice immediately calmed me down. Then she threatened to call the authorities if I didn't call back the service in an hour to let them know I was ok. So I just called them and yeah, I will be ok.

    I took a sleeping tablet so hopefully combined with alcohol will knock me out for a good while. That's the thing though, alcohol is great because it takes the edge off things. It makes me more able to take an overdose without having to worry about the consequences.

    I'm writing a suicide note once again. trying to explain what is going on to those left behind.

    I'll be ok for tonight, not sure about tomorrow or the night after but tonight i'll be ok hopefully.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    You shouldn't mix sleeping pills with alcohol :sad:

    It would probably be a good idea to seek help for your drinking.

    You wouldn't make a life changing decision when drunk,why make one about your whole life/future when drunk? :hug:

    I hope you can get through this x
  8. beforetheworst

    beforetheworst Active Member

    I don't have a drinking problem, I only ever drink when I overdose.

    So I've decided I can't wait until the weekend to do something, it's either going to be tomorrow or the following day. I get paid tomorrow so I can afford to buy some alcohol.

    I just don't know where to do it. I am going to have to isolate myself somewhere, maybe the beach because I usually always end up telling someone. So at least by not being at home they can't come and find me because I won't tell them where I am.

    Ah, I feel a little better now I've made this decision.
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