No where to go from here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by savage29th, Jun 11, 2016.

  1. savage29th

    savage29th New Member

    So about a year and a half ago I did some cocaine. Was a one time thing and never used drugs before. Next day I woke up with all kinds of horrible symptoms that never got better only worse. My vision is altered so things like reading or watching tv are very uncomfortable. My memory and ability to think clearly is impaired. Things that happened earlier in the day feel like they happened last week. I cant think clearly so doing everyday normal things are much more difficult. I have tingling on my face that started on one side and spread to the other. Some mornings I wake up with what feels like a massive hangover that takes 6-7 hours to subside.

    When this first happened to me I spend months just in bed because I couldn't deal with it. And it seems if I use any alcohol or anti depressants I makes all the symptoms permanently much worse. As a result Im in a much worse state then I was since day one. Ive seen every kinda doctor, had brain scans and an assortments of tests but nothing comes up. Symptoms never get better, im just 24/7 in a bad state. Its not anxiety or depression ive been like this since day one and it doesn't matter how I feel about it or what my mood is.

    As a result of all this I lost my business that I built from the ground up. Cant do the work anymore due to my issues. My gf of six years left me, Not because she was a bad person but because she wanted to marry me for years and I kept putting it off. She moved on easily while me being in my situation I cant just start over. I go on facebook and see people getting married and starting careers while I just fade away. My savings is dwindling away and soon I will have nothing.

    All I do now is think about death. I still have some will to live but I know it isn't possible for me to go on like this. I've lost everything including my health and it just keeps getting worse. I have my ending all planned out and ive only stuck around this long because of family and friends and some small glimmer of hope I may get better when I know its not possible.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. From what you explained you have hit rock bottom which very understandable. Yes, you have experienced knock backs but it takes time to recover. Trust us, we understand what you going through. Have seemed medical advice on your condition. I am not here to judge but just trying help you to understand who can recover but it's not going to happen overnight or when you shut your eyes and you wake up fine.

    You at very much a low point but trust us you can recover. From my experience it's like being reborn, I'm not talking religoulsy, but trying to rebuild your life again. You know deep down if your did anything then your family and friends would miss you. They would question themselves and ask why he did not speak to us. Have you seen a therapist or a doctor about medication.

    Ok, you had the world at your feet but that can be rebuilt again but I keep repeat like a parrot (sorry for the joke..!!!) but it takes time and effort. It is possible to find the light again whilst you e yourself in the darkness. I suggest that you spend time around people and not being alone. The over-thinking does not help but causes more inner turmoil.

    The initials days of recovery especially when you have a medical condition as well. Keep posting as we care and we try our best to help YOU line we help others.