I somehow feel like my own personal crisis is unworthy to be here, I feel like there are people in greater need than I and my problems can wait but i can't keep this to myself anymore. I think every day about who I am and why I’m here. I think about my life what I thought it would be, what I wanted to do, and what has happened. I realize that not only have I done nothing with my life that I wanted to but I will never accomplish anything I wanted to do, not likely anyway. I wanted to be a part of law enforcement, that never happened and I’m too old to accomplish that now. I realize some dreams just don’t work out so I adjusted my dreams, I realized I love working with computers and the college degree I need is not only financially out of reach but if the time came that I could afford it my wife wants me to give up on that. I wanted to be a father and as time goes on I feel more and more that may never happen. I love my family but at the same time I wonder how much I am loved by anyone in my life, the smallest things I ask for from so many people are met with “but I don’t want to” or some form of a denial many times all I ask is for someone to spend time with me, it doesn’t appear anyone I care for is willing to think of me and what I may need. I gave up the only escape I ever had from all this… World Of Warcraft, and I was addicted to it but I don’t know anymore if I was addicted to the game or the refuge it game me, and my wife still hybrinates in her room on the computer and I am left to deal with all the stress I had before with nowhere to turn to escape from it. I feel my blood pressure rise high every day and no one cares, when it kills me will anyone care that I am gone or that it could have been prevented? I feel myself thinking more and more about wanting it to be over, I am no longer sure I even want to just get away for a while because all these problems will be waiting for me when I return, and even if I didn’t come back some of these problems will follow me. I am so tired of never having a place I just feel safe and comfortable. My room isn’t really safe because my sister in her drunken rages or her 1 AM requests for more beer, and if I say no it gets very bad. I can’t be comfortable down stairs anymore because my sister constantly wants to hang out down here and all the pain and suffering she causes makes me so tense even when she isn’t misbehaving. I also think I might be getting a little angry with my mother over always talking about helping me and never following through. She doesn’t want to have to chose between her kids and I understand but she is going to have to take a stand someday with my sister or she could run everyone else away… and the question is will it happen before any real damage is done. I have cried silently every night for the last couple weeks because I can no longer find a sanctuary even in my mind anymore… I can’t escape no matter what. I don’t think I am really suicidal because I when I think about death while I see it as a release I also know that it could hurt people badly, I think people love me but they take me for granted, should I take my own life I think it would hurt my family but I don’t think anyone remembers I need to see that they do once in a while.