No willingness or motivation to get better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Thestillness, May 12, 2014.

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  1. Thestillness

    Thestillness Banned Member

    I am a male in my mid thirties. I am profoundly lonely. I recently relapsed after 6 years of sobriety and I have been using marijuana, cocaine, speed, MDMA, LSD, and others, but only marijuana on a daily basis. I have 2 children, who are the only light in my life. But they don't live with me, and their mother is trying to move several hours away. SHe and I split up 2 years ago. I went a bit crazy and was in one rebound relationship after another. The last was a girl half my age, and that didn't end well at all. I have been single for a year now. I took down all my dating site profiles. I am too needy and messed up to date. I gained a lot of weight. I own a successful home based business, which further isolates me. Lately, the loneliness and depression has been getting worse. I really want to die, but I can't put my children through that pain, so I am stuck here. I hate myself. I hope I get cancer or something. I went to see a therapist for the past 2 years and was on many different meds but they didn't work. I finally relapsed after taking pain meds for an infected tooth root. I went off the deep end haven't been able or willing to get back up. I tried going back to meetings and being sober again, but only lasted a couple weeks. My life is miserable. THe drugs make it almost bearable.
  2. rosi

    rosi Member

    Im sorry about what you are feelling, im in the same boat as you just i dont use drugs. Maybe in this forum we can find people to be friends and have some hope.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am sorry you're feeling this way. Trust me, I know what it's like to feel lonely. I couldn't leave my house for years due to extreme anxiety. I became my own best friend. But I did get better thanks to the mental health services. I honestly think you could benefit from seeing a drugs counsellor. The drugs are masking the pain you are feeling. It's best to find a way to deal with it sober, especially if you have young kids. I wish you all the best.
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Thestillness, so pleased that you have reached out to try and find some answers to all of this. Many here find that talking with others and coming to an understanding of how to get hope and motivation rekindled over time, very comforting, which is what you need most of all; those of us who have been in dark places and have discovered a few pointers are very willing to share, because we know how it feels...... Blessings and strength and pleased to meet you :)
  5. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    stillness I wanted to say thanks for last night and keeping this site pro life. I too am still here for family, I know you think the drugs are helping but their not, I went into a deep depression after taking pain meds for an illness. I have bounced back, you'll find yourself much happyier without drugs in your life to bring to down or make your dependant on them for happiness, there is a inner light in us all, last night you showed me that. keep on smiling friend.
  6. MentalMarvy

    MentalMarvy Active Member

    Hey! :) Soo the first step to getting better is wanting to get better. You have to want to get better in order to actually get better
  7. redrobin62

    redrobin62 Active Member

    Hi, Thestillness. I, too, know what loneliness and a drug addiction feels like. I also know what it means to be suicidal and I hate it. I've been clean for 6 months. I prefer it that way but I'm still lonely as hell. I hope me and you get better soon.
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