No women can find me attractive, because I am not self-confident.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, Sep 10, 2010.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    I dislike bragging, and I place high value in being humble. The last thing I want is to be perceived as arrogant or egotistical, so I never show off, and I almost never say positive things about myself. For this one post, I'm going to break that rule and describe my positive attributes.

    I'm young and healthy. I'm financially secure. I did well in high school and college. I have a job in the industry I love, and I enjoy what I do at work. I get a lot of time to enjoy my favorite hobbies. I'm proud of my accomplishments, and I like who I am.

    I have everything I've ever wanted, except for one thing. There is only ONE thing missing from my life. Because this is the ONLY problem in my life, it is the biggest problem by default. I'm happy with who I am, but I'm unhappy as long as I'm missing this one thing:

    A woman to love and be loved by. A woman to share my life and experiences with.

    I have been told many times that I am an ugly-looking guy, which makes it very hard for me to feel like I could ever be an attractive person. No woman has ever flirted with me or shown signs of attraction to me, so I don't feel as though I am appealing to women. Because I've never had my first kiss or first date by age 22, I feel like I'm unwanted and undesirable. Because everyone else has had romantic experiences but me, I feel insecure and inferior to other guys.

    I can be confident about everything else in my life, but not women - I'm nervous and anxious and scared around women. I'm fine around friends and co-workers, but I'm terrified of embarrassing myself or being rejected by women. I love everything about my life except my involuntary bachelorhood. Because it is the only problem with my life, it's always on my mind and it's always bothering me.

    Women are attracted to confident men, and I'm not confident in myself, because women aren't attracted to me. I've got everything I've ever wanted and I have a lot of things going for me; by all means, I should be a happy person, but I feel badly about myself because I'm single. I am very lonely, and my 100% rejection streak with women just makes me feel worse about myself. I probably project an aura of self-pity and desperation, which just scares women off even more.

    Ladies aren't attracted to guys that are depressed - but I wouldn't be depressed anymore, if only a girl would like me!

    Ladies aren't attracted to guys who are under-confident - but I would be bursting with self-confidence if only a girl would like me!

    Ladies aren't attracted to guys who are insecure - but I would no longer have any reason to feel insecure, if only a girl would like me!

    Ladies aren't attracted to guys who are not happy with their lives - but I would be extremely happy with my life, if only a girl would like me!

    Ladies aren't attracted to guys who pity themselves - but I would have no reason to feel pity for myself, if only a girl would like me!

    The only way for my life to improve is if a girl likes me, but women refuse to like me, because I'm depressed and lack self-confidence - which only THEY can cure by giving me a chance. It feels like women are disallowing me from finding happiness.

    I don't think that I'm entitled to attention from women, but I find it horribly depressing that all women pass me over, just because I'm missing self-confidence. I think I would be a wonderful boyfriend, if only a girl would give me a chance...but they won't.

    How do I escape this Catch 22 that I've fallen into?
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I am partially in your situation. I feel that I need to permanently remove this desire to ever have a female companion, just give up on this hope forever. I feel that if I would have to, it would also have to be with someone suffering from depression, mentally ill and reclusive as I am. I absolutely cannot bond with a normal girl. They would probably reject me anyways so why even bother?
    With this reclusive behavior and then mental illness that spawned from it, I have severely diminished my hopes of having a normal life. I know I could have, but it seems the ship sailed long ago and it will never come back.

    I admire your efforts to try, whereas I am afraid of rejection and failure and so do not even want to try at all. I want to kill this need of mine for good, even if it is natural, a biological need of mine. It just isn't going to happen for me, I'm sure it may happen for you though, keep up your hope and efforts!

    I just want to castrate this desire of mine so I do not have to be sad if I can never find anyone. If I keep having this desire like yourself, I'm only going to keep making myself miserable since I'll never find anyone. I just need to be happy being single and alone, it is who I am now. I need to just freaking give up and be content. You don't have to, your a much better person than myself anyways.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2010
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Would 'find a depressed, self-conscious girl and look after each other' be too obvious of an answer?
  4. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    The fact that you are nervous, anxious and scared around got to try to hide that. No matter how scared you are, show them you dont even care and you are happy with your life anyway, being scared around women often tends to push them away even further.
    Forget about your past..think of your present.u have got a great life and nothing lacks in it..and any girl would want to be with a guy who acheived most of the things he ever wanted in his think of that and build up that self confidence.
  5. raindrop

    raindrop Well-Known Member

    Maybe you need to lower your standards a little. Maybe try with a girl that is not a physical beauty but beautiful on the inside. Most of the guys that I know that complain they can't get a girl its because they only want a pretty girl or nothing. They fear it will reflect poorly on them. So just a thought.

    Some girls like those traits you listed in men. They are attracted to men that they can 'save'. It makes them feel worthwhile and needed.

    I really believe that there is someone for everyone. .

    Keep looking. Good luck.
  6. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I actually couldn't imagine being with someone who doesn't have as many issues as I do such as depression, feeling insecure... etc.
    Even lack of confidence isn't a complete turn off for all women, some just take it as shyness.
  7. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    I'm going to bring a slightly different perspective for a moment. I know how frustrating it is being lonely, heh, all to well. But I have also seen friends in abusive relationships. One good friend of mine is a big dude, 6'3" former high school wrestler. I was appalled a couple of years back when his girlfriend smacked him for no reason. He told me later he'd made a comment about her dress. I know better, he's too embarrassed to admit his girlfriend abuses him. And it's not just physical either. From what I have seen, relationships are very hard. Even "ideal" ones have ups and downs. If you want my opinion, I say be thankful for what you have and for what you don't. Sometimes, the best relationships are the ones we don't have
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