No words.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ayuria, Feb 11, 2013.

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  1. Ayuria

    Ayuria Member

    Without going into my history, or story, or life, or anything...I've felt this way a lot over the past several years. On and on and on and off; sometimes deeper than other times, sometimes differently....so this isnt new...I guess the changes are that I dont have any more answers. I'm out of...possibilities, or solutions, or trying to feel better, or even caring...

    I am seriously considering suicide at this point, I know the means and method. I dont know who to tell...please, I live far away from family, and I can't trust my friends here to deal with this stuff, I'd been seeing professionals for a while and I dont honestly see any point in telling them....

    Its not that I have a bad life, I've done really well for myself...I just...I see no joy, no purpose, no connection to it. I am very tired, very fatigued... I am innovative and creative, I've tried things...I really truly, deep, deep within myself...feel that there is no purpose in my own life anymore. And dont get me wrong, I'm not looking to derive purpose out of something, I've always just looked for contentment...safety.

    But now...there is just nothing left. I am so tired. There is this deep, deep, deep, internal fatigue which I can't escape from. Every day I wake up and wonder how much longer I have to do this. At the moment, its to Friday. I have a work conference to go to....why I'm waiting to go to that, I don't know...but beyond that, I have no plans.

    I have done suicide attempts in the past, nothing ...really serious i suppose....I can't even pinpoint, what it is that has me in this state....but something does, and it feels like its the end for me....that there just is really nothing left...and I think about dying and it feels like...such a relief...

    In the past, I had a safety net, I wasn't so alone...but now I am alone...and I am exhausted...and its beyond crying out for help, because there is no help left.

    Im lost at what else I can do...I give myself until the weekend now...and then I dont know. But I feel scared and impulsive.

    Its hard to find the words.
     
  2. Lunartic

    Lunartic Member & Antiquities Friend

    I have no words of wisdom, but I know that feeling well. When you are bone tired and struggling those thoughts whisper in your ear - "make it stop". This life can be so difficult but suicide is a terrible solution. I recently lost a friend to this and though I understood, seeing the effect on his friends and family gave me a chance to reconsider my own situation. I`ve reached out for help and am trying to live more positively, not easy but so far so good. This probably hasn`t helped, but you are not alone my friend, Hugs and good luck.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun there is always help hun always If you are at the bottom hun of the deepest hole you yell hun you scream until someone comes and gives you the help to pull yourself out ok
    You go to the hospital there you can get some respite some supports set up so you don't have to fight hun this depression alone. Please just do that talk to your professionals what harm could it do to tell them you are struggling and not able to hold on without a hospital stay perhaps.

    Pick up phone and talk ok tell them now or go to hospital now hun use your energy not to harm you but to get you some repreive
     
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