Without going into my history, or story, or life, or anything...I've felt this way a lot over the past several years. On and on and on and off; sometimes deeper than other times, sometimes differently....so this isnt new...I guess the changes are that I dont have any more answers. I'm out of...possibilities, or solutions, or trying to feel better, or even caring... I am seriously considering suicide at this point, I know the means and method. I dont know who to tell...please, I live far away from family, and I can't trust my friends here to deal with this stuff, I'd been seeing professionals for a while and I dont honestly see any point in telling them.... Its not that I have a bad life, I've done really well for myself...I just...I see no joy, no purpose, no connection to it. I am very tired, very fatigued... I am innovative and creative, I've tried things...I really truly, deep, deep within myself...feel that there is no purpose in my own life anymore. And dont get me wrong, I'm not looking to derive purpose out of something, I've always just looked for contentment...safety. But now...there is just nothing left. I am so tired. There is this deep, deep, deep, internal fatigue which I can't escape from. Every day I wake up and wonder how much longer I have to do this. At the moment, its to Friday. I have a work conference to go to....why I'm waiting to go to that, I don't know...but beyond that, I have no plans. I have done suicide attempts in the past, nothing ...really serious i suppose....I can't even pinpoint, what it is that has me in this state....but something does, and it feels like its the end for me....that there just is really nothing left...and I think about dying and it feels like...such a relief... In the past, I had a safety net, I wasn't so alone...but now I am alone...and I am exhausted...and its beyond crying out for help, because there is no help left. Im lost at what else I can do...I give myself until the weekend now...and then I dont know. But I feel scared and impulsive. Its hard to find the words.