no1 cares abt me - suicide less tragic

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by the_light_shadow666, Aug 21, 2006.

  1. I hate to say it, but i've no friends watsoever. And in school no1 speaks to me... And my family...I'm the only child living with my dad. My dad is depressed and takes pills. He probably doesnt know that im suicidal, but he probably doesnt care. I don't hate him, but he has his own problems, and cant find a work. The only few times I'm bein talked to in school, r the times wher the others wont to bully sum1, and thats just me. I don't say anythin and try to laugh with, but can't bcos they laugh at me. I'm very quiet.
    Let me say this straight out... I've very bad self-worth, and thats probably bcos i havn't communicated with any1 4 so long time.
    I succeded to get sum net-contacts, wen i posted in another suicide forum... but thats unfortunately not good enough for me. Still no1 to talk to.
    To the school parties I go to, I look like a fool, and they r laughin at me... even the girls. A very bad experience.

    I can't live with this... and I still need to go an entire year of my high-school. I've not so good grades.

    I've never really been out in the city b4... never touched any of the youth life experiences, and never talked serious to any1 face-to-face. I think it's very depressing to be here, and hav no1 to talk to... and I don't enjoy life. I'd so much like to go out, but i've no1 to go with. havn't been to a cenema b4, and other places of joy, bcos i'd be a fool, if i'd go ther alone.
    And on the same time of bein lonely, i've catched a depression too,,, maybe those things have to do with each other... i dont know. i dont care im just a zero... and worth nothin in no1s eyes.
    I'm basicly just waitin to die... and we r all gonna sum time. and i dont wanna spend the rest of life in such a loneliness... so when no1 cares abt me, and i dont too, then i dont c the big problem in tiring a 30-kilo-iron to my foot and jump into the sea.
    i dont really need a suicide note, cos whos gonna read it anyway?

    It wud be less tragic, if i did it, than others from this site that have friends and family... bcos only 1 person will get affected if I did it... im sure others wud have at least 10-20 ppl to ur burrial.
  2. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hi shadow...

    i am sorry to hear you are going through so much right now.. and what seems like a while.. have you thought about seeing a doctor for the depression.. as for friends have you tried to join a clup or group in school or out of ppl that share the same interests as you... it is true people can be so mean to others .. i am not sure why that is .. but it does happen.. the thing to remember is that most of the people who do the laughing in school usually turn out to acheive less in life then those who were laughed at ...
    you mentioned that you have low self worth.. do you think this is something you can work on.. maybe go to therapy .... you will be surprised how thinking more of yourself can make others think more of you...

    hugs and hopes... things do get better
  3. i talked to sum abt this... but it doesnt help. Im already brand as the victim, and not so much to do abt that. I once thought I was a part of a group, till I found out that they did lots of things without me, and they cud even speak loudly abt that. And that group also had sum of the bulliers inside of them, so everytim i said sumthin, i either got silly comments or it was completely ignored. and i dont know wat i did wron. and wen sum1 picked at me, no1 defended me, bcos that was the porpular ones, and u dont gain any popuarlity points when defendin me.
    so no1 to speak to... no hello no nothing, im invisible.
    just seems like an endless pain... and nice that i finally want to make an end to it. i can tell yu, no1 wud say anythin anyway, so it wont hurt any1. and my body wont even be found. i always read a reason why not to commit suicide is bcos of all the ppl who love u... this reason doesnt really work here, and im ready now, and dont want to wait 60 years.
    i dont kno if its true that they acheive less, but i just kno, that everytime i join a new class, im always the 1 to get picked at... and 4 no reason really.
    they may acheive less, but they r happy, im not.
  4. hey - I am sorry that you are going through so much. Have you seen your dr about ways to deal with depression? I realise that won't make some of the triggering factors go away - but it might help you deal with things happening in your life. Also - perhaps you could join a club or something that caters for something that interests you? Like a sports club etc?.... Sometimes it helps to get out and about and to mix with people who have similar interests....

    Keep posting if you need to :)


  5. kittie kat

    kittie kat Active Member

    hey shadow..... buddy lighten up plzzzz... I'm one of ur friend!!! I swear someday i will visit u... Btw, when u turn 18 my house is open 4 u if u wanna spend sometime away... plz tc... inshalla ;)
  6. okay wat i meant was, that my dr cant do anythin abt my circumstances. he cant make friends for me, he cant hang out with me, he cant stop the others from sendin me unpleasent sms's, he cant do anythin abt that im zero and never respected, he cant stop me from bein lonely, he cant do anythin abt that i never was at the cinema and in the city. cos its a fact that im 100% lonely... its not bcos im mentally ill and just 'suffer' from a depression, like others in this forum, that have plenties of ppl around them. it's bcos of those facts that i cant take it anymore. its bcos i so badly need sum1 i can trust in here.
    im sry kittie u live abt 4000 km south from me, and u cant be here.
    and please consider how tragic it is, wen sum1 unwanted dies? isnt that the same if parents remove their unborn and unwanted child?
  7. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hugging you... wish my arms were long enough to reach...
    the thing is ... you can love you.. you can be there for you.. and you can be the one who loves you... when this happens others will follow suit.. but it wont matter as much ... cus the "need" for acceptance will have allready been filled by you... it is true that the way we look at ourselves influences how others look at us...

    now if i could take my own advice... lol...try to gain strength to love you.. and i will do the same...