I've been suffering from gender dysphoria for about a decade. I've finally been on hormones for 2 years. But it's not enough. I still look like a man no matter what I do. The pain is too much for me, and at this point I just wish myself dead. I'm seeing a therapist once per week. I'm on Lexapro and Wellbutrin from my psychiatrist. Nothing is really helping me, and I just sit and cry. My parents, who live in the same city, give advice for depression like telling me to go for a walk. They don't understand that on a walk I'll likely see a pretty woman and start crying. They don't want to hear about my gender issues. My friends are sick of my whining when I don't do anything to help myself. I don't think I *can* help myself. On the hormones, I actually feel a desire for love for the first time. I want to cuddle with a guy so badly. But a straight guy would never want a somewhat effeminate-looking guy. Gay guys are attracted to guys, and mentally I could never be a guy in a relationship. If I had a gun I would probably be dead. I don't have anything to look forward to but a lonely, miserable old age. I wish I had the courage to kill myself so this pain could have an end.