Peace and quiet is all I want. I just don't think life is worth it-I am always losing friends one way or another. I have lost everyone who means something to me. Feb. 26, 2010- I ended up in the hospital-six years from the day my husband died. I stayed four days for angina. I did not go to a p-hospital. Feb. 26 2004 was the year he died. I have a heart problem which you would think I would want to live. I don't. I was ready to hurt myself one way or another. I called 911 but then did not tell them why I had problems. I am so tired of trying to have someone who calls me a friend and then leaves me. I deal with alot of medical issues, severe depression, PSTD from abuse, a radio in my head that won't shut off, I don't know why I keep hearing music like a radio playing. I can't stand the music anymore. It would be cheaper for me to be dead than go to therapy. I don't have good insurance. My mom as old as I am can say things that get deep under my skin. I don't think she means to hurt me but she does-even at my age. I know I am overweight. So many people keep telling me I need to lose weight. I eat to cope. I know my husband has been gone six years, my grandchildren don't come around because I left for three years. I have contacted them but I don't get much response anymore. I don't care for my life-I know if I can't keep friends-then there must be something wrong with me. I am going to the river tonight. I don't mind the cold at all-that is how I feel inside. It might shut off the radio music in my head. I don't want to feel anything anymore. I am to the point I can't even cry-I just want peace to come to me. I used to sign my name. For now it is: NOBODY CARES!