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Nobody cares!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ladycathy1, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. ladycathy1

    ladycathy1 Active Member

    Peace and quiet is all I want.
    I just don't think life is worth it-I am always losing friends one way or another. I have lost everyone who means something to me. Feb. 26, 2010- I ended up in the hospital-six years from the day my husband died. I stayed four days for angina. I did not go to a p-hospital. Feb. 26 2004 was the year he died. I have a heart problem which you would think I would want to live. I don't. I was ready to hurt myself one way or another. I called 911 but then did not tell them why I had problems.
    I am so tired of trying to have someone who calls me a friend and then leaves me. I deal with alot of medical issues, severe depression, PSTD from abuse, a radio in my head that won't shut off, I don't know why I keep hearing music like a radio playing. I can't stand the music anymore. It would be cheaper for me to be dead than go to therapy. I don't have good insurance.
    My mom as old as I am can say things that get deep under my skin. I don't think she means to hurt me but she does-even at my age. I know I am overweight. So many people keep telling me I need to lose weight. I eat to cope. I know my husband has been gone six years, my grandchildren don't come around because I left for three years. I have contacted them but I don't get much response anymore.
    I don't care for my life-I know if I can't keep friends-then there must be something wrong with me.
    I am going to the river tonight. I don't mind the cold at all-that is how I feel inside. It might shut off the radio music in my head. I don't want to feel anything anymore. I am to the point I can't even cry-I just want peace to come to me. I used to sign my name. For now it is: NOBODY CARES!
  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I care. I care because you are hurting and no one should have to hurt that much.

    Hold on.
  3. ladycathy1

    ladycathy1 Active Member

    I am at the computer of someone who wanted me to help with her dog.
    I will leave soon. I pass the river on my way back to my apartment. Do you think anyone really cares anymore? I am hating the fact that this music stays in my head. I can't seem to even keep friends-most of the time they die. People tell me they will be a friend but then some how they leave.
    I don't mind being cold-it will lead to peace sooner. I live in a small town where we have two rivers but one is closer. I have had to deal with abuse from an ex-boyfriend in another city for three years. I tried to end it then but he found me. I went to the I.C.U. for five days. I am not afraid to die anymore. NOBODY CARES
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i care and my friends all leave me without even saying goodbye
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    cathy please keep talking. we're listening. i feel what you have to share is important. i emplore you to please seek help too, please? take care
  6. ladycathy1

    ladycathy1 Active Member

    I did not drive by the river tonight-if I did I would not be here at my computer. I am tired of hearing the radio music in my head. I don't know why I am having it. Going to bed only makes the music louder. I am tired of dealing with this deep depression. I lose my friends too. I just get tired of them going away or dying. I must be a jinx when it comes to friends.
    Thanks for caring-I don't know if I can make another day without help.
    I am at my computer now. I just don't think it is worth it to go on. I am not afraid to die. I am more afraid to keep living. Pain+depression=death:hiding:
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Oh Cathy..you sound so sad...I wish I could give you a proper hug.....
    please don't hurt yourself....
    I too have trouble keeping friends....in my case, and maybe yours, I pick the wrong ones to start with cos I'm too trusting.....I usually get users who move on when I need something in return..
    it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you if your friends go....it's most likely them...
    we care about you here so please stay with us....
  8. ladycathy1

    ladycathy1 Active Member

    Death is always following me. If I care for someone very much-they die.
    I help a lot of people. I am the one everyone turns to if they need someone to watch their pet.
    I don't mind helping and don't really care if they return the favor. I just need someone to help me when I need them. I am the one everyone confides in or needs me to take care of something. When I say I have a problem-I am told-you are the strong one, get over it, or some other line.
    I see my family doctor tomorrow but I am even tired of dealing with him. He treated me like I had something he could catch when I told him I was depressed. Did not even look at me and just said-I hear you are not feeling good. If a doctor does not even care then why should I. The last few days have warmed up here. The river looks very calming now.
    Does anyone else deal with a soft radio music playing in their heads? I don't know why it is there. Mybe it is my final song playing.
    The clock is ticking for a peaceful rest for me soon.
    NOBODY CARES!:nite:
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't have music playing in my head but my mind never shuts up...I go over everything I said, did, didn't do, didn't say, should've, would've, could've, might, and on and on and on...
    I can also relate to you being the helper but no one is there for you when you need help back...
    and I hate the attitude of doctors.....not all but most.....
    I don't even think it's that they don't care it's just that we are a number in the long line of patients they have to fit in that day...
    I have learnt I have to be very assertive with them to get the results I want....
    Is there another doctor you could see instead?..someone you may feel more comfortable with....
    take care...
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    wondering how you went at the docs?.....hugs
  11. ladycathy1

    ladycathy1 Active Member

    I saw my family doctor today. He put me on another antidepressant to take at night. I have been taking 50mg of Pristiq-he increased it to 100mg in the morning. I have been taking 200mg of the generic for Welburitin in the morning and 100mg at night. (Sorry about the spelling of Welburitin-I did not check to see if it spelled right).
    The doctor put me on Trazodone 50mg to take at night. I can never go to sleep but if I do I don't want to get up. He said the Trazodone would help me to sleep. Has anyone had trouble with the Trazodone? He wants me to come back every month now. I don't know if I will because he did not even mention depression. I have trouble with my heart but it is under control with more heart medication.
    Now my old car is broke down and until I can get the part and have someone fix it-I have to let it sit. I am like so many on SF-tired of life.
  12. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Please give the new meds a chance to kick in and start to take affect you never know they may work. But until then keep posting were here and listening to you.
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so pleased to hear that you got some changes made at the docs.....
    as ozbound said they will take a while to kick in so please stay and give them time to work...
    hoping they do the trick for you..hugs
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