Do you often feel like this? I feel like this and I often see it all around me, in my job I deal with a lot of depressed people who are in a much better place than I'll ever be in life and they claim to be even more hopeless and disfunctional than I am. Even on here I've witnessed in the past quite a lot. I can't imagine an existance more pointless than my own, I'm on a complete road to no-where, I just have to come up with idle tasks and mild entertainment to pad out my completely empty existance. I've never had any experience in life that had any substance to it or has benefited me in the long term. It feels like I'm just slipping down into a pit and clutching at blades of wet grass for short periods at a time momentarily breaking my fall into complete and utter oblivion. There has never been anything to contray this perception, it didn't come first either, as a child I was very optimistic about the future I had high hopes. I see people all around me claiming to have the worst ever existance ever, but I actually look upon them with envy, they have connections, relations, a place in the world. I have nothing except a few worldly posessions and brief moments of relief from drinking. I have tried to challenge my perception deeply, change my core beliefs, buy into existentialism, act differently, change the things within my remit... nothing has ever worked. I'm an odd one out, even amongst other people who say they're depressed, I don't fit in. I've never revelled in my own depression, showed everyone my cut wrists, dyed my hair black and affiliated myself publically with a death obsession. My depression is purely a reaction to utter frustration at never being able to fit into life, never feeling happy. I have no relations to speak of, I am unattractive and unappealing to all. I completely lack any clique in life, I have some friends but they never call, they were mostly associates of mine in all fairness. I just don't have anyone I can share any common ground with at all. Even simple things like my music tastes. I'm just completely out of sync with absolutely everyone and everything. It's totally destroyed my life and completely isolated me from everyone and everything. I feel like a ball of oil in a glass of water, no one else will ever fully understand that. Absolutely no one. Sounds selfish but I've read a good proportion of the stories on here and you all have someone and something to cling to, no matter how hard you think you have it. I've seen dying children get more love in a day than I've had in 25 years. My life is a complete void, everything is momentary, I can only cling to stuff for a brief moment. It's like trying to catch the wind. It's like groundhog day, my life is terminally shite and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it.