At the risk of sounding like a broken record player, here I go.... For the first time in my life, tonight I wrote a suicide note. I developed the idea roughly halfway through my work day and when I got home, much to my surprise/dismay I started writing. By the time I finished I was already 4 pages in. The only reason it was so short (relatively speaking) was merely because I didnt want to bore whoever might end up reading it. No, I dont plan on killing myself tonight or any other forseeable night for that matter. I just felt I needed to get it out on paper I suppose. Ive been fighting depression (or what I theorize may be manic depression) for roughly 10 years now... give or take a few. That being said though, Ive always been VERY anti suicide as a support for my sister who has had similar problems for just as long (if not longer). I always felt I had to be strong for her and in turn she could borrow my strength in the down times. Unfortunately my strength would waver on occasion and Id go into auto pilot mode, Id put on a jovial mask for the world to hide my inner torment, bottle up what I could and wait for the storm to blow over.... However as the years press on (and myself, only having turned 21 earlier this month) I find it harder and harder to care... to Want to hold on. Now the logical thing to do would be to turn to my sister for support and i know this to be true, but with my twisted sense of logic I simply cant do that. For i fear if she sees me caving, all her years of hard work would come crashing down around her. So here I am. I could go on for days explaining my state of affairs in fur something ther detail, but just like in my note, I refuse to bore you any longer. I just needed to Say something.... I guess.