Hey, i see uve just recently joined us so firstly welcome to the forum!
Im sorry to hear about ur losses, i cant even imagine losing someone i care about to suicide, let alone 4. it shows ur strength that ur here with us and reaching out for help. Im sure there r people around u who love u very much, it just feels as if they dont because ur feeling so depressed at the moment. take a moment to stop and realise the things people do for u, remind urself that ur not alone.
U kno what it feels like to lose someone to suicide...dont push that feeling onto the people around u. Be strong and be patient, hold on to the bit of hope that u have. Better days r around the corner if u just reach out!
Take care! :smile: