nobody takes it seriously

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Damaged_Goods, Oct 26, 2015.

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  1. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Active Member

    I am struggling right now to stay safe. I have tried telling my husband, he took a nap. I tried telling my friend... she stopped texting me. I feel like everyone is so used to me having ups and downs that nobody takes me seriously. They dont realize how hard it is to fight it. And when i DO fight it, they act like I was just faking it or something. I'm tired of trying to be strong. I NEED to break. I NEED to be able to let it out n not be judged. I'm humiliated that I'm not strong enough to keep going anymore. I NEED HELP.

    my son just left from his lunch break to go back to school. Does he even know that he is the only thing keeping me alive right now? And I'm failing him.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Maybe it's time to call the crisis line? I can feel how upset you are. You are not failing at anything...Maybe you could take care of yourself by talking to a crisis worker. If you are at the very edge and no one around you is listening, keep telling someone until they do listen. If necessary, print out some of your posts from here, go to the hospital and show them to the ER doctor so s/he knows what you're going through.

    You feel like you will to someone instead. Let a professional know how much you're hurting so you can get some good support.

    Thinking of you. Please do everything you can to stay safe. Call the crisis line or paramedics if you are in danger of hurting yourself. ((hug))
    3 people like this.
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Keep staying strong and keep going. I know it's difficult. Know we are here and we take you seriously. Do you need to go to the hospital to help you stay safe? Know we're here for you.
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Fragile, I know how hard it is, in this room We know how hard it is, We are listening to you, I really believe that everyone here is taking you seriously, I am sure that more then one would like to talk with you, some here have heard an spoken back to you You can let it out here if you are not getting any results, try changing what you are doing or the way that you are doing it!.If you keep doing the same thing you have always done an nothing has happened change what you are doing! We are here we are not judging you, I believe that you are strong enough, you left one husband, you know how to stand up for yourself You can do it of that I am sure, I know that you are tired but do something positive for you and your son, he needs you, Be as safe as you can be, if you are not safe at home get to someplace else that is!This is your life we are talking about! I am here. Be gentle on yourself Please!
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  5. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Active Member

    Thank you to everyone who kept listening. n being there. I had the blade in my hand, giving up, and my 21 year old daughter called. Out of the blue. She said "mom, are you ok? I just had this really strong feeling that I needed to call you".... <<< WHAT?

    We talked for a couple of hours. I told her almost everything. She didnt judge me. I think she may have just saved my life. When we got off of the phone, I felt like I had released a giant weight from my heart. I told her I was sorry I was such a mess and I was sorry to put this all out there on her shoulders... lol. She said I created those shoulders I might as well use them. I love that kid.

    She gave me this bracelet a couple of Christmases ago. It has the serenity prayer on it. I haven't taken it off since she gave it to me. It helps to keep me from cutting. Every time I look at it I think about her and my other kids, and I see their faces.

    My doc appt is in the morning. I'm scared and excited all at the same time. I WANT to get better. I NEED to get better. Is it possible to get better?

    I talked to my husband. I told him that I need him to be there for me and I am sorry I'm having a damn breakdown. He feels like he failed me because he didn't protect me. I spent the last couple of hours sleeping on his chest. I want to get better.
  6. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Fragile, Thank You, so much for letting us know, I am glad that Your daughter called, That reminds me of an Old song,it is now, You aint Heavy, You are my Mother! You have done a great job with your kids, You can be proud so Proud, I hope that you feel that Love Your daughter has returned to you, that is a wonderful feeling right now I bet! I can almost see the smiles that you have inside of you. I am glad that you have talked to your husband, I hope that he can be better prepared if you ever have any more issues, It is so important to have that support at home, your first line of defense is the best lots of times

    I am glad that you are seeing the doc in the am, jeez, I feel so much better myself knowing that you have hopefully turned the corner an heading in a new and better direction! It is OK to be a little scared please tell him all your fears an issues, it will be like telling your daughter it will take more weight off of your shoulders Please Be safe, I am glad that we were here for you, Be Gentle on yourself, maybe next time we talk you will be Less Fragile, sleep well and peacefully! Thank You, Best news I heard all day
  7. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Active Member

    Talking to the pdoc always upsets me. especially this one. He is brilliant and cold all at the same time. But my friend- the nurse- is taking me. God I love that lady. I am so lucky to have a friend like her. I told her I'd be fine but she told me to shut the hell up that she is taking me and that's final.

    A few months ago, she got in bad shape. She's on fixed income (she hurt her back in nursing and her hubby died)... Her electric got shut off n she had no money. I didn't have much extra either. but I moved her and her boys in. (ive known them forever and they are like my own kids). Once they got their electric on I went and bought them groceries. And I gave her some money for fuel to get to the doctor. a few days ago she texted me... I know this doesnt belong here but I have to share it..... see... she had gone to the post office to get her mail (bcuz we live in BFE) and she got a letter. it was the day keth died. 8 year anniversary. she was depressed. she opened the letter, and apparently the gov had underpaid her all those 8 years, she got like $65,000. She texted me and I almost fainted. She said "my angel is still taking care of me". Isn't that amazing? and I felt so damn good for her.

    Shes on oxygen. Shes not well. But omg she is special. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. And I'm lucky to have YOU. and I need to remember that when I feel alone.

    And yes, I hope that tomorrow brings something new and good. I am ready to turn things around. I'm ready to start seeing the sunrise and sunset, the beautiful colors.... to see the leaves falling, and feel the cool breeze blowing.... peace and love to you, and like you say, be gentle on yourself. ;-)
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