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Nobody to talk too. Ex being a disturbance

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Jul 16, 2011.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Due to my last relationship I find it hard to discuss personal issues with my new girlfriend as my last one used what I told her against me, she even said nobody could truly love me as I'm too much like my Dad but I hardly know the guy. Now she knows I'm starting to get over my depression and demons she is back in touch and will not give it a rest. I'm a bit worried if I told her to leave me alone in some rather unsavoury terms she'd be getting in contact with my new girlfriend sprouting lies about me etc. What is worse is that they work not far from eachother and this is a big problem because I'm dreading bumping into her now that I'm with this really lovely person.
    Everybody who I told about my ex too when I was with her warned me off her as they was concerned she was crazy and my God they were right.

    What would you do or say in this situation should it arise?

    I don't want to keep asking for help but I don't really have nobody to turn too as they won't listen properly. I'm losing bonds with my friends and the only real people I speak to other then my girlfriend is the people who greet me as I enter and leave the gym. I work from home and rarely go out anymore as I don't enjoy myself with people my own age as they bother me. My only real pleasure is going to watch my local football (soccer) team but in simple terms they don't play a match at home again this summer for a while yet. So I'm left here sitting to the walls when I'm not talking to my amazing girlfriend.

    My ex suggested I should go sit down the local graveyard at night and chat to the dead and some dead relatives who hated me as they'll have no choice but to hear me ramble on :( I might go and do that I'm that bored.
  2. mrd0t

    mrd0t Member

    I wouldn't worry to much about that situation arising because if your current relationship is in good standing and you've given her no reason to not trust you then I'm sure she will believe you. I definitely know the feeling but you need to learn to just let it ride out. they say whatever is meant to happen, will happen. people do say a lot of things though!
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I'm just worried my girlfriend will want to know everything about me which I don't think I can face talking about anymore. It doesn't concern me much just that I don't have much left to live for if I lost her so it kind of sits on my mind. Very true
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The clue here is your description of your girlfriend "a lovely person".
    Take the bull by the horns and tell her about this ex.
    You don't have to go into depth, but a mention of being stalked by your ex should lay the ground work, should the ex try stirring things up between you and your girlfriend.
    Have to say the ex sounds a right nasty piece of work.
  5. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping I don't have too as my ex is with somebody else but she kept him waiting around before she got with him as she was crazy in thinking I wanted her back which I didn't. Hopefully she wears off and leaves me alone in peace. Good idea thanks. Yeah she sure is.
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    I appreciate Terry’s idea of “lay the ground work” just in case…

    I don’t know if “everything about you” includes all your stories about past relationships. The key word is “past”. You have nothing to hide as it’s the past, but you do not need to bring the past to the present also because it is the past. This way, you have more energy and attention for your present life with your girl friend. I believe that your girl friend can appreciate this.

    Wish you and your new girl friend well…
  7. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Will consider the idea if my ex thinks she must cause more trouble my way. Not really it's more about my background and family history. I'm quite open about girlfriends if asked. Problem is I had never told anybody about say my father for instance, not even my best friends who I've known for many many years. So for her to tell me I'm like somebody I barely know hurt real bad. Thanks I agree. That's nice of you to say thanks again.
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I'm with terry 100% here.

    thebaronspell - you already know for sure that you cannot lie about the darkness you have. My darkness is like yours but you are young and you have not channelled it or diverted it as of yet.

    It eats away inside of you when left like this and you'll never get close to woman because how can you when the part of you that defines you is locked inside like some guilty secret?

    Your a bright chap - when I was young I was reckless. Thankfully I never wanted to settle down - so the darkness was drowned in drink, drug, travel, adventures and so on. I played guitar - so it was almost like my love life was never about one woman - well, it was, but then came the morning! This was easy to deal with the darkness for me - I never worried about someone knowing because I never planned to tell anyone. Period.

    So I denied even the darkness was there. I mean, I knew it - but being a single guy - you can fly under the radar - you don't have to connect to any woman for long enough to be exposed! With men, and I know lots of male friends, I guess we're all just so screwed up that we all seem normal to each other. If I said to a male friend "I feel like killing myself" - he would say "So do you want a whiskey with your beer then?" Or "You may as well kill me instead - get my wife some insurance to help her settle down with the next idiot who falls for her!!"

    I joke - but men we tend to joke about putting one in the chamber and and so on.

    With woman - its different. I mean with the right women - you have to tell her. Spend all night talking to her if needs be - don't hold anything back! But the idea is to share it then make sure it never raises its ugly head to your woman to the point were she feels too bad.

    If you tell her this - then the 'ex' will be easy to deal with. After all brother its not your fault that someone with learning difficulties and more issues than a plague of ants is your ex. I think fitting a CCTV is a good thing for some strange reason. Its only cheap.

    If your new woman loves you - you'll only need to tell her the once. Remember she wants to be happy - so be a clown, buy a few practical jokes from the joke shop. Sometimes a spider in her morning cereal might be funny as hell - but be inventive - and be a man also. Forget modern man and embrace the old fashioned gentleman. Be gentle but you can still be a man! Rock 'n' Roll! and so on.

    My best regards as ever.
  9. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    …no, not “a spider in her morning cereal“ (as peacelovingguy suggested)…lol

    Seriously though, Baron, about your background and family history, I don’t know if it’s always necessary when it’s not related to your actual present life. However, if it becomes necessary (for instance, if your girlfriend feels that she needs to know and asks you), you do not need to feel that there is something to hide. You can just tell her as it is, including about your father, no matter what the story is. Your present good self is whom she loves. If she is mature, she will only love you more for your honesty…

    Wish you the best :)
  10. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I have no pleasant things to say when it comes to my family, I don't want to come across as moaning for the sake of moaning. Would rather lay all the stuff to bed in quicksand and have done with it. I don't really have much to say about them other that they are cruel people. Even my Nan called me an expletive word when I was 5 or 6. I let my guard down with my ex because I thought she was generally interested but she was purely digging up stuff she had no reason in knowing about. My new girlfriend is totally different, problem is I want to tell her more about me but then that is how I become severely depressed talking about it. I struggle to hold back my emotions, I might not have cried in four years since my cat of 15 years died but I bleed inside every day in torturous agony. If I could trust my friends I would have told them about all of this but I don't and they are too busy running away to university to care anyway. If was even invited out or treated like an equal I'd open up to them and be less hard to break down and more outgoing but I'm scared people will victimise me because of my past.
  11. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    How you really are now is real and important. You may need to work on your perception about the past. You do not need to feel ashamed for unfortunate experiences which were far beyond your control. You grew out of it and you are a loving gentleman now - this is what’s real and what you need to pay attention to. You can feel good that you have somehow been able to break the family (thinking) patterns and that you are the way you are now…

    In addition, you know you have the power to not allow anyone to victimize you. We cannot control what others think or say, but we have the power over our own mind - when our mind responds to the external world with hurtful thoughts to ourselves, we can choose not to listen to those thoughts as we know they are not reality but only some distorted thoughts out of some insane situations…

    I can feel your heart - you are truly a beautiful human being.

    p.s. Feel free to PM me…
  12. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I've tried to not let the past get to me but the moment I let people in and tell them about it they feel the need to use it against me and make me feel terrible.
    I'm trying to block it all out but I take everything to heart sadly.
    Thanks, your inspirational words will stay fresh in my head for a long time.

    Thanks I will do. :)
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