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Nobody wants to see me happy.. *may trigger*

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jessikah2k8, Feb 28, 2009.

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  1. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    Recently, all I've wanted is a baby. I had a miscarriage in the summer, whilst in an abusive relationship, and now I'm out of it, the aftermath of the miscarriage has taken it's toll.

    Every baby I look at reminds me of mine, what it might have looked like.. etc etc.

    I am only going to turn 16 in April, but this is seriously making me so unhappy. Mum wants me to go onto uni and stuff, but that makes me feel depressed. Don't get me wrong, I want to finish school, get my GCSEs and ALevels, but then I want to leave and try for a baby, which nobody seems to respect.

    I will only be 18 when I leave, but I think thar's a much more responsible plan than now, when I'm only around 16. A baby will make me happy, and I've thought about it over and over.. my new boyfriend does not want kids, which also kills me. He is the same age as me, so I am not expecting him to stick around for too long.

    Mum also wants to put me on the Pill because she doesn't trust my contraception methods. Which is true - I have sex unprotected and pray to God I'm pregnant.. but I never am anyway.

    My friends think I'm mad. My family just aren't taking anything seriously, and most of all I am so unhappy and depressed about the whole situation.

    Like don't get me wrong, the baby's father raped me for 7 months and pushed me around. Sex is sometimes emotionally painful - sometimes I burst into tears randomly with the sudden rush of upset emotions, which ruins the whole feeling. This happens about 80% of the time I try to have sex also. I don't know why - images just come rushing back and I burst out crying even though I feel like I'm "over it".

    I don't know anymore.. I thought people would have respected my wishes..
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What is it about having a baby that makes you think it will make you happy? Have you had any help to deal with the tragic miscarriage you suffered?

    It does sound like things are really hard for you right now. Just remember that it is two years away, at least. Maybe being on the Pill might be sensible right now, because, like you said, you don't want to get pregnant now. Also, no one can force you what to do.

    Sometimes people think what they are doing is for the best, and they can't necessarily see the wood for the trees and the reasons behind what they/you want. It may be that right now you think this is right for you at 18, but maybe when you get there you might change your mind. Maybe they think you should go to uni, but maybe they will have a different opinion at the time.

    Essentially though, when it comes to your future, you need to do what is best for you. If you decide to bring a baby into the world then you need to think about that baby, if you can provide everything it needs, financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and make sure that it's not just for your own personal want.

    I think really it is probably better to just focus on the here and now. None of you need to look too far ahead, just deal with what you are dealing with right now, because it sounds like an awful lot.

    Are you getting professional help?
  3. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    No, they won't speak to me. Nobody will because police are involved in my situation, which is a bit silly. I don't want to go to a doctor and get put on anti depressants though.
  4. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way
    im 15 now and i want a baby
    i also think that it will make me
    more happy, like something in this
    world actually NEEDS me to stay alive
    and healthy.

    i also dont want anti-depressants
    they can mess with a pregnancy, or
    thats what i think.

    have you
    told someone
    about how you
    feel about having
    a baby?? if they wont
    speak to you then maybe
    you could just ask them to
    listen. or you could write a
    note to your mum explaining
    why you think you need a baby
    and maybe she'll come around

  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Who is 'they'? There are other ways to deal with how you feel other than anti-depressants, and they are also not regularly prescribed to under 18s.

    Is there a counsellor at school you could talk to?
  6. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    Its more important to first deal with your own issues, feelings/issues with your past..especially being in an abusive relationship, suffering tragic miscarriage, as well as, your on going emotional outbursts which are all a result of not getting closure. Not having time to heal properly.

    Its important to fix these issues within yourself before having children, because lets face it children are our future, and if you raise one on a troubled foundation (you not getting the help that you should to overcome your past) then it isnt fair to you or the baby.

    "Cant build a house without a good solid foundation to make sure it wont come crashing down a few years down the road"
  7. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    It's not at all that they don't want to see you happy, how do you plan on having a future if you have a kid at 16?

    My sister did, and she's in some *serious* debt, the father does absolutely nothing to help.. what are you expecting? The father to pay for everything? Your mom to watch them for you? It doesn't always work that way.

    Hey, don't let me discourage you, it's your life. I'm just saying, it's a huge responsibility.
  8. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    No, I dunno.. counselors won't talk to me, like professional ones. I've been to the one at school, but it doesn't help me at all. I'll come out feeling ok, then a day later I feel like crap, and then I'm like that the rest of the week until I see her again. :\
  9. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    You sound like you've been through a tremendous amount and I don't see how bringing a baby into the situation will help at all. Sleepless nights. Endless nappies, feeding, crying. And the responsibility! You're still so young with such potential ahead of you. The chance to be young, have a laugh, go to uni and get a decent education. Why would you want to throw that all away? A baby will add pressure not relieve it. There will be plenty of time when you're older to have children when your head is straight. You really don't seem to be in a good place to have one now.
  10. longingforpeace

    longingforpeace Active Member

    You foolish, naiive girl. You struggle with depression and are in a relationship with an abusive man-do you actually believe that having a baby will make you happy considering your circumstances? You could not be more mistaken. I am telling you this based on my own experience. I got pregnant by an abusive drunk at 27...and my life is a living hell now. For you to have a child at SIXTEEN in a similar situation would be a nightmare for you, trust me. I kept the child thinking he would change and everything would be fine; he ended up going to prison for the first two years of my sons life. During that time I endured the worst misery I've ever gone through...just trying to survive and take care of a child with no money and no support from the father or anybody else. The amount of anguish was so unbearable that many times I've asked myself why I didn't just terminate the pregnancy or give him up for adoption (as awful as that sounds)...I thought I could handle whatever fate threw my way; I could not have been more wrong. What do you think being a mother is like? Smiles, sunshine and rainbows? Don't delude yourself. Mostly it's crying, screaming, frustration and physical and mental exhaustion-not to mention MORE depression! If you don't have the support from your childs father you can double all of those, too. Do yourself a favor and enjoy your youth and your freedom. You have no idea of the trouble you are asking for by trying to get yourself pregnant like you are. Once you have a kid your freedom is gone; there is no going back no matter how stressful it is. Your family is trying to protect you-not hurt you! Listen to your family...don't ruin your life.
  11. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    A lot of the time - after women suffer miscarriages or have still births, Doctors suggest getting pregnant again as soon as possible. I'm not sure why or what the reason is, but I have seen it can help first hand.
    However Jessikah, I think for you, being so young and having been in such a bad situation when you were pregnant initially, maybe you need to step back and take a look at the bigger picture.

    I'm 25 and at times I have also had the thought 'I want a baby, I want someone to love and need me unconditionally and vice versa', but am I really in the right frame of mind to be looking after another human being? To give myself up almost entirely to take care of another life? Impart knowledge, be there every waking hour.
    My answer - truthfully - is no.
    Ask yourself the same.

    If your head isn't in the right place, do you really want to put whatever is going on with you on a child? It's not fair on the child. Anybody who grew up with depressed parents will know this and will remember it. It wasn't fun.

    Try getting yourself together and sorting yourself out, dealing with your issues, getting some emotional support, maybe seeking help and advice from a psychiatrist, before getting pregnant again.

    Babies are meant to be born out of love, and it doesn't sound like this is what is happening if there are tears during sex.
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