Recently, all I've wanted is a baby. I had a miscarriage in the summer, whilst in an abusive relationship, and now I'm out of it, the aftermath of the miscarriage has taken it's toll. Every baby I look at reminds me of mine, what it might have looked like.. etc etc. I am only going to turn 16 in April, but this is seriously making me so unhappy. Mum wants me to go onto uni and stuff, but that makes me feel depressed. Don't get me wrong, I want to finish school, get my GCSEs and ALevels, but then I want to leave and try for a baby, which nobody seems to respect. I will only be 18 when I leave, but I think thar's a much more responsible plan than now, when I'm only around 16. A baby will make me happy, and I've thought about it over and over.. my new boyfriend does not want kids, which also kills me. He is the same age as me, so I am not expecting him to stick around for too long. Mum also wants to put me on the Pill because she doesn't trust my contraception methods. Which is true - I have sex unprotected and pray to God I'm pregnant.. but I never am anyway. My friends think I'm mad. My family just aren't taking anything seriously, and most of all I am so unhappy and depressed about the whole situation. Like don't get me wrong, the baby's father raped me for 7 months and pushed me around. Sex is sometimes emotionally painful - sometimes I burst into tears randomly with the sudden rush of upset emotions, which ruins the whole feeling. This happens about 80% of the time I try to have sex also. I don't know why - images just come rushing back and I burst out crying even though I feel like I'm "over it". I don't know anymore.. I thought people would have respected my wishes..