i'm not even sure where to start with everything. I just feel like a wave of desperation comes over me at times only to washme up with the tide to remain beached and useless. Maybe that doesn't even seem understandable right now. I only know that I hate the instability I have with these feelings that go back and forth, up and down. how am I supposed to act and/or handle these situations? Just tonight I wasmaking the bed and thought to myself that i really wanted to die..that it would be better than working my new job (which i actually enjoy). i can't understand the feelings and thought process behind it all..or maybe it's just anxiety.