Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by am I alive, Sep 7, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    first sorry for my english,

    i havent been here in a while,i guess its because i was very busy with finishing school,so i didnt have much time to be depressed,if that makes any sense:mellow:.So finally i did it,i got a degree a 2 months ago. At that time i spent some time with my friends from HS.
    Last 2 months i spent totally alone if i dont count my family member. I didnt have much to do since i finish with school,and one of my closest friends went to work abroad so i lost connection with other few friends i have. I mostly spent time in my room,and sometimes i used to go to the Capital city of my country,where i spent 5 or 6 hours walking through the main street,looking around,sitting in the park,and than back to home in the evening.
    Since i got a degree(in banking) i should looked for a job,but i havent put much effort to really find it and there are some other reasons such as:
    first, i live in shitty country where finding job is like win in a lottery,
    second,i have no social/communicaton skills,which is priority number one i guess,
    thrid,i have no work expirience,
    fourth,i have no abitions,even if i try to pretend i do,you know they have tests at psychologists,so you cant lie,
    fourth,i have a long hair,and i like it,and its not much adequate for job i'm looking for,and thats it,mostly...
    At the other side,i still live with my parents,and i am 27 in ten days,so i want so much to have my own place and decent job. Its just because i dont want to be a burden for anyone,not because i have some plans for future.
    I have lost every hope in better life,why? well,iam 27 and i never had a gf,i never felt love,i dont have much close friends,i have no social skills,and i hate many things in this material world that many people like,,,i am not ugly or something,i could have many gf,but you know,i never felt so close to any of them that i could say thats the right one,also i have a poor social life and bad childhood that was always a burden to me,and even if i liked some girl i never had enough courage to do something,actually there are few of them who made a first move and tried to get close to me but that wall i built around me didnt let it happen.
    So i am here again,depressed as hell,complaining about my life knowing that nobody can help me,and knowing that i dont want to be helped...
    Thanks for reading...
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    sending you :hug: s

    feel free to pm me if you want someone to talk to x
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.