noone gives a damn...just when they need something/ i have no reason

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by makary, Jul 29, 2009.

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  1. makary

    makary Member

    no reason to stay around just to please everyone....cuz no friends give a damn. college ended in april, graduated....and i feel even more alone, empty than i did during school - cuz now, none of my "friends" need help w/ cad or missed notes (that i typed out and sent out to all my classmates tri-weekly)...or help w/ learning or a sub on a team ....(not good enough b/c of my accidents - i was rear ended twice). any one ever call me? just to hang out or chill or go out for a coffee/come to a party? nope/ no need for makary, so lets all 4get his existance....even those 'friends' that dragged me to the college counsellor b/c i was very depressed/suicidal.....well u only wanted me to live b/c u needed something!

    yesterday was my birthday...id think some1 would remember - NOONE!...even on facebook 0/50ish friends remembered.

    so, with all my neck pain, now labelled as incurable/chronic by doc, sadness.....boredom, lack of enjoyement in anything.....if i solved my problems permanently, i wouldnt be upsetting anyone....none of my 'freinds' would even kno - as for family, well they say they understand my physical pain (i dont tell them anyhting about my emotional pains cuz they cant help and i dont want to worry them)...so im sure they'd understand if i just pulled the plug.

    i cant sleep ....insomnia? i stay up late till morning 4, 5am.....get up early 7am...few days later ...sleep in late till 4pm...../ jobless...had a future w/ the drafting company i worked for in coop, but b/c the eco is very down, they cannot hire me....(arch/constr) is really down in all surrounding cities - 40+ reusmes and the few responses i got - they cant hire due to poor economy reasons...not even the coop office has anything. so no job, pain = physical+emotional, sadness, emptyness, no going out with friends.....arghh wats the point?

    honestly....i feel like im losing what used to define me.....i just dont want to be here anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2009
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hi makary :hug: i'm sorry you're feeling so low and things aren't working out right now
    i know how you feel about the friends thing - the majority of my 'friends' have gradually been deserting me, and now i realise they were only my 'friends' because they wanted something.
    do you have a therapist you can talk to? i think it might be a good idea to get one if you haven't. they could help you a lot :smile: thinking of you :heart:
    triggs xx


    and happy birthday for yesterday! :) xx
     
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hiya .. welcome 2 the forums and happy bday 4 yestrday ! :)

    like triggs said getting some sort of therapy might b helpful.. have u told ur doctor ur feeling like this ? mabye u cud tell him/her when u go 2 see them about ur neck ..

    all the best :hug:
     
  4. BlindOrphan

    BlindOrphan Member

    To those whom are forsaken into the darkness, blind, scared, alone, and fragile this path we un-willingly fell upon is something most people cannot understand execpt those whom are living it. Our minds deceive us thinking we are alone in this wasteland but open your ears and listen, You are not alone,the crys of others seeking guidance or just the company of others, wanting what they upmost deserve in life. Listen, and talk back, they will help you, and undoubtedly you have helped them for acknowledging.

    Im not going to say i understand your pain, but i will say its very familiar to mine. I heard your calling, and i have called back. Just letting you know in this Dark abyss, you, as well as many, are not..Alone
     
  5. makary

    makary Member

    ive gone to therapy from the college counsellor - didnt help...just made me fell more miserable talking to him about how miserable i am. besides pills - which i recieved a number from my fam. doc, he said the only way to cure my depressive emotions is to get to the root of the problem...why am i so miserable...well ...the truth is, the neck pain is limiting my activities - i cant do the things i used to enjoy, i wake u peveryday feeling as if ive been in an accident the day before and im getting sick of it. so thats the conclusion therapy lead me to.

    ive gone to my family doc just last week....and pretty much, my state is chronic and very minimal chances of recovering. pain killers etc dont work... the only thing that could help is a nerve block injection at the local hospital someday....but thats not solving the problem..thats just disabling and covering up the pain - menaing itll come back when injection wears off.

    physiotherapy was doing well after the first accident (i was rear ended while stopped at a redlight by a car doing 70km/h+ in march 2007)....with about a year of therapy, i regained neck movement to the right, w/ ongoing pain while movement to the left and still torn ligaments on the right side, inlcuding problems with my scm (sternocleinomastroid or whatever - that important neck muscle).

    then, may 2008 comes by and i am rear ended again, on my way to work on a country road where the limit is 80km/h (and honestly who does only 80 on any road with that limit?) well all the work physio did = reset to sqaure one....PLUS extra complications: blood clots/ unrecovered ligaments retorn/strecthed/pulled/ scarred ... theres a whole doc report for all that crap....and since then my pain when it escalated in may, hasn't come down and doc as i mentioned above, is not giving much hope to run on.

    so..... simply put, the equation is...

    neck pain + inability to do things - friends not wanting to hang out with an injured person = just about suicidal
     
  6. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that things arent working out well for you right now. But things can only get better, right? And besides, you have friends on SF that care about you. I would care if you died *hugs* Look past the darkness and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
     
  7. makary

    makary Member

    thanks everyone posting your kind words...but trust me when i say ive had enough of the "things get better" bs. They were suppose to get 'better' after the first accident.....but they only got worse and now its becoming even more worse when the doc tells me that there's nothing he can do.
     
  8. makary

    makary Member

    i really just want to die.
    i wanted to die last year...but my 'friends' stopped me once and the 2nd time dragged me to that school counsellor.
    whre are they now? oh rite...college is done, they dont need anything from me anymore....so they dont call or give any damn...not even a happy birthday on facebook.....yeah 0/50 friends on facebook said happy b-day.
    so now im alone, and i want to die even more....end the pain permanently...maybe ill get to see my beloved grandpa in heaven ? (i think i lived a kind / compassionate life to go there......i didnt even sue the two ppl that rear ended me).
    im soo tempted to just drive into oncoming traffic...but i dont want to hurt anyone....maybe against a truck, the truck driver would be just fine.
     
  9. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Makary,
    Happy belated birthday. Alot of people are in the same boat as you. Do you have a concelor to talk to? It may help. And about all your "friends," why don't you initiate something? Ask them to hang out? Maybe join some dating sites? I'm just throwing some ideas out there for you. Also, you may dream of being an arch/construction guy, why not apply to basic areas like a grocery store..etc, just for now?

    If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you.

    Ronnie
     
  10. makary

    makary Member

    thank you Ronnie for ur adivce...even though i don't know you.
    turts me,this summer i've tried to organize camping trips / meet ups / etc....even just ask them if they wanna go for a coffee or hang out - everyone's way too busy and doesnt have time...nothings much changed...last summer...they were calling me or at least responded when i called...this summer....even when they say they're coming over for a bbq.....they dont show and dont even call - its obvious - they needed me last year...now they dont.

    hmm, maybe dating sites would be interesting.....then again...ive always been skeptical about ppl being who they say they are on those sites....but if i couldnt tell what true friends are...maybe i shouldnt be so quick to judge date sites etc...thats probaby the only way to make some friends rite now.

    as for counsellor, well he kinda broke my trust...when my teachers all of a sudden found out - one of them even said the counsellor told them....so my trust is shattered....and plus the fact that the only two things that they can do - arent working/gonna work (pills or resolve my issue: incurable (at least for now) neck pain)....there's rly nothing.....

    i feel ppl on here (s.forum) are soo much more open and honest than a counsellor - in the end...the two counselllors i ran into just wanted to sell me as much pills as possible.
     
  11. makary

    makary Member

    then again...im such a train wreck...who would wanna date me?
    and b/c of my injury - ive gotten so unfit / out of shape...im not fat...im 150..but w/ a belly.....i m not exactly a 'date me now sign'.

    argh...im so pathethic....****. just die and no more issues or grief!
     
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