Not really sure how to word all this, I am at a loss...My OH and I have been married 23 years, I cant say I don't love him but we now seem to just co-exist. I sometimes sit and think about life and our marriage, I know I wouldn't leave and wouldn't cheat. My wondering s are is it me that has caused us not to connect like we used to do? I tend to protect him from bad things and hold things back from him, I don't know why but I've always been that way with him. I cannot talk to him though about what Im going through as he has had a lot to deal with including cancer but I know he panics at the mention of mental health. I know this as he really didnt know how to handle our son when he went through a dip and recently when I needed to take our son to A+E for his own protection. Is all this: my head being mixed up? do I love him? am I just pushing him away to protect him from how bad I am really feeling? am I scared of him knowing? I really dont know what I feel...is this normal?