Heya, first post be easy on me. I'm an 18 year old male, and the reason I'm posting is that for the past 4-5 years I have felt no joy, or no reason whatsoever to get out of bed in the morning. This is a rant! Im from the lower middle class, my clothes are crap, i look like shit, I'm born with something called Cleft lip and palate, I don't have a job, I don't have a driver's license, I don't have a car. I have never had a girlfriend, my mom is an alcoholic and she doesn't have a job. My attendance at school is under 40% (!) My grades are so fucking crap, and I'm unmotivated. And the thought of ending the piece of shit called life has started to cross my mind every day lately. Not rarely do I find crying myself to sleep, I don't eat, I'm thin. I stay up the whole night, and often I'm up for 30 hours from insomnia.. WTF? I have no future, I'm already broke, unsuccessful, ugly, broke.. Where's my value? My whole childhood as been about me being bullied, not only from ignorant douche bags at my school, but my mom has hit me, and always made me know how huge disappointment i am, and how worthless i am.. She even said she wish I wasn't born once.. A depressing thought, "live while you're young" Nice, I've wasted my good years, and all im left with for the rest of my life is, bills, loans, crap payed jobs you will never enjoy. I see no reason life will get better in the future. I suck at handling responsibility, and with my grades I will probably work at McDonald's for 20 years. Fuck yea, seems tempting yea? Where you work 80 hours a week @ McDonald's to pay the fucking bills?! Nah man, what if I said fuck that shit. Everyone says, being young is the best years. Haha, then my remaining years ain't looking good.. Na mean? I never show emotions, guess someone here can relate to that? No one could imagine me being depressed or w/e it's called.. I'm all like, how the fuck can ME being so demanding, ever be happy? What girl, would want a suicidal drug abuser, with no job, not to mention looks like shit lol.. Yea I really do look like shit, so dont tell me i dont hah. Sorry for this wall of text, just so tired and perhaps u guys could understand? My problems seems so small, and i seem like an ungrateful piece of shit, but my sorry ass cant hide these crap feelings no more.. Sorry again for all this stupid shit, just how i feel..